Chapters (75)
Because I didn’t know the exact date of the accident, or even where it happened beyond in a ski resort, it took me a good long while to find any mention of my dad. There are way more ski accidents around the world each year than I would have imagined, had I ever thought about it before. And even when I did finally find the few reports that existed about my dad and his death, the stories were disappointingly small and exact details extremely scant. It seemed that, to everyone but me, my dad was little more than a statistic, one tragic and pointless death among many, and that made me even more angry.
Eventually I found a report in the Daily Mail which mentioned Dad’s name, as well as that of his brother Adam. It also mentioned my mama and his brother’s girlfriend at the time who was called Nell Herrera. It said that there would be an investigation into the accident, so that gave me something else to look for – wouldn’t the investigation have been reported? It said that they were skiing with guides, but didn’t name them.
I searched further for several weeks and eventually managed to find a report of the investigation in a skiing magazine on a microfiche. The two guides were British and, in this report, they were actually named. According to the report, although certain ‘irregularities’ had come to light, they were not found guilty of any crime. That made me very angry. No punishment at all for not adequately protecting a man who was in their care. For killing him.
I put the names of the two ski guides into Google. I managed to find one. And then I started to come up with a plan.
40
January 2020, Haute Savoie, France
Adam
In between crying children, complaining would-be holidaymakers and more and more snow-blocked waifs and strays being brought into the hall throughout the night, I get barely any sleep. That, along with thinking about what I have ahead of me when I get to La Madière. What will be expected of me. And what I need to do.
I regret a lot of things that happened on that holiday. Given my time again, I would have done things very differently. In fact, I wouldn’t have gone on that trip at all. Or Nell and I could have gone alone. That would have been much better – we wouldn’t have had to stay in that God-awful chalet which Will chose so as not to intimidate his girlfriend too much by taking her somewhere too upmarket.
What was her name? Leah? Lisa? Something like that. She was a minx – a social-climbing minx. I could see she thought she’d done well for herself getting her distinctly lower-middle-class claws into my little brother, with her not-quite-right accent and not knowing how to hold her knife.