‘Ow!!’ Will wails, like the girl he is. ‘That hurt!’ He pushes himself back up on to his feet and rubs his head. He’s now covered in snow. The wind is still roaring around us and even though it can’t be later than about four o’clock or so, the sky is so dark it looks like it’s almost night.

Will glares at me, still rubbing his head. ‘Look, Adam, this is getting us nowhere,’ he snaps. ‘We’ve lost our guides, you’ve lost your ski. We’re going to have to do something, as the phrase goes, before one of us dies, which in this case, could quite literally happen.’

I clap my hands against my arms, trying to warm up. It really is getting cold now. ‘Right then, arse-face – what would you suggest?’

Will makes a big show of turning himself around, picking up each of his skis in an exaggerated way in turn so that he flicks snow all over me. Even as he is all muffled up I see him smirk. I reach down, pick up a huge lump of snow and hurl it at him.

‘For fuck’s sake!’ Will explodes. ‘This is hardly the time or place for snowball fights, is it, you moron! Like I said before,’ he says, speaking slowly as if addressing a particularly stupid child, ‘as you have lost your ski, I will have to go down and get help.’

‘No. You’re not leaving me here on my own,’ I insist. ‘We’ll wait – the guides know where we are – someone will come eventually.’

Will sighs and looks upwards. There is a pause as we both listen to the wind raging, snow stinging our faces. ‘Look, Adam. I know it’s not ideal, but I think it’s the best plan. The guides don’t necessarily know exactly where we are – we certainly don’t know where we are. We’re not on a patrolled piste. For all we know, when you fell we might have come off the path we were meant to take. I’m not saying it’s your fault—’

‘Well it pretty much sounds to me like you are,’ I interrupt.

‘Whatever. We probably shouldn’t have come out in these conditions. But it’s too late to change that now, so we’re going to have to be sensible.’ His voice softens. ‘I know it will be scary to be here on your own but I think that, given—’

‘I’m not scared, you pompous twat!’ I shout. How fucking dare he patronize me like that?

Will sighs. ‘Right. Good. Well, in that case, there’s no problem, is there? I’ll go and get help, you stay here, not being scared at all, and before you know it we’ll be back in the chalet with the girls.’