I’d never heard Mrs Hardcastle, the head teacher, speak so softly. ‘I’m afraid we have some bad news for you.’

‘Is it Mama?’ I asked, pointlessly, because of course it was. What else could it have been?

‘Yes, I’m afraid it is,’ Anna answered. Her voice sounded strained, almost as if she was trying to stop herself from crying. This was far from the first time Anna had come to school to give me bad news about Mama, but she was never usually emotional about it.

‘What is it?’ I asked. My voice cracked. ‘What’s happened this time?’

Anna came over to me and took my hand. ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this, but I’m afraid your mother was found dead earlier today.’

I looked at Anna and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. But I must have misheard. ‘I’m sorry? You said she’s dead? But I saw her last night … Dead?’ I shook my head. ‘You must have got it wrong. I saw her. She was at home. With me.’

Anna looked at the policewoman and then back at me. ‘There will be an investigation, of course, but I’m afraid it looks like she may have killed herself deliberately.’ She paused. ‘She fell from the top of a car park in town. She would have died instantly and wouldn’t have suffered.’

I snatched my hand away from Anna and put both hands over my ears. ‘No, no, no!’ I shouted. ‘Don’t say that! You’re wrong!’

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I hadn’t noticed I was crying.

Anna pulled my hands gently away from my ears and took me in her arms as I sobbed. ‘I’m so sorry,’ Anna said softly. ‘I’ve arranged temporary foster care for you for the time being and we’ll talk about all the other … arrangements later. Would you like to go now?’

I looked up at her and wiped my eyes but the tears wouldn’t stop coming. ‘To Rhonda’s?’ I asked.

‘I’m afraid Rhonda can’t take you this time. It’s another family, but you’ll be very well looked after.’

And so began the worst few years of my life. It turned out Rhonda had breast cancer and that taking on foster children had become too much for her along with the chemo. And while living with Mama had been unstable and unpredictable, underneath it all, I felt like somewhere deep inside, she loved me. And I loved her. Home was home and she was my mama. With her gone, and without Rhonda, I felt like I had nothing.