Chapter Two

I was worried about time alone with Bram on the journey to the capital, but it turns out I have the opposite problem. I barely see him at all. Norah sends a wing-fleet vessel full of Breakers from the Ivory Guard to escort us to Kastelia City. I’m constantly under watch, and Bram spends most of his time playing games of dice with the crew and the off-duty Breakers.

It’s both a relief and a disappointment. Even though I know I should keep my distance, the pull toward him is almost irresistible. But I keep reminding myself that my feelings aren’t real. They’re just a remnant from a life I never lived. If my other path actually had any influence on this one, Bram would feel the same way, and it’s obvious he doesn’t. When we see each other in passing, he waves and sometimes even smiles, but his eyes only flick to mine for a moment before continuing his conversation. He’s friendly without being affectionate.

But his indifference toward me poses an even bigger problem than my wounded pride. I’d planned to talk to Bram about keeping my secret, but so far, the two of us haven’t been alone for even a moment.

I spend much of my time on the deck—icy wind in my face—gazing toward home. When I took the journey to Ivory Hall on my other path, did I feel this alone? As if there’s not a shoulder in the world where I can rest my head?

As we get closer to the capital, my anxiety grows until I feel as if I’ve swallowed an entire hive of bees. I’m not going to get an opportunity to talk to Bram unless I make one. We’re never going to be alone. I wasn’t looking forward to this conversation when I thought we’d have privacy, but imagining broaching the subject with spectators around makes me want to launch myself overboard and sink to the bottom of the Shard.

I find him the next evening, as he’s finishing a meal with one of the other Breakers. The two of them lean back in their chairs, hands clasped loosely behind their heads. As I approach, their laughter dies off in a way that makes me feel like an interloper.

I rub my palms on my pants to dry them. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask Bram. My gaze slides to the other Breaker. “Alone?”

“Sure,” Bram says, standing.

His dining partner raises his eyebrows and gives us both a knowing look that makes my cheeks go hot.

I grab Bram’s elbow and pull him far enough away so the Breaker won’t be able to hear us.

“Saskia, what’s going on? Is everything all right?”