I close my eyes and touch the bone with a single finger. I feel the familiar tug in my belly and then I’m swept into a vision that feels as real as it does familiar. Like pulling a well-loved sweater over my head and finding it exactly as I remembered.

I linger on my mother’s face as I entered the Marrow for my kenning—the way the candlelight danced in her eyes. I watch as she placed her red training cloak around my shoulders before I left for Ivory Hall, as she took my hand in hers, her fingers brushing against the petal-shaped tattoo on my thumb. But then I speed past my terse responses, grateful I lived in a reality where she knew how much I loved her.

At Ivory Hall, I pay special attention to my training sessions with Latham. I examine every visible inch of his office, hoping for any small clue to indicate where he might be hiding. I stay in the reading for as long as my focus allows.

And then the next day, I read the bone again.

At first, I told myself I was reading my other path to look for clues about Latham.

But now, days later, the readings have become more than practice. More than searching for ways to stop Latham. More than trying to find Gran’s and my mother’s missing bones.

The readings have opened a gateway to another life. One where I don’t feel so disconnected from everyone around me. I sink into the feeling of friendship there as I study my other path over and over again.

And each time it becomes less about Latham and more about Bram.

I watch the hard set of his mouth when we were first matched. Hear the rich, low sound of his laugh as he reacts to some joke I told. See his hand dart out to circle my wrist and spin me around.

I watch us argue. I watch us stumble through the forest, running from Latham. I watch his defenses slowly melt away, and see his eyes go liquid each time he looks at me.

Day after day, I linger on the feel of his mouth against mine, our tears mingling together before my eyes close for the final time.

I fall in love with him over and over only to come back to a world where he feels nothing for me but friendship. Where I don’t know if my feelings for him belong only to another path or if they’re real on this one too.

It makes me hate myself, but I can’t stop.

Between studying Gran’s bone and lying awake at night worrying about Jensen, I get so little sleep that it’s impossible to focus on my training.