I wished I could hear voices. I wished I could hear spirits, so I could listen to them, and not to this. I had to focus on not crying. No matter what happened tonight, I could not, would not cry. I’d be damned if I would cry. Nick had every right to love somebody else. Why shouldn’t he? I had never said a word to him about how I felt. I ought to be happy for him. But some small, secret part of me had always hoped that he might feel the same—that he might have been waiting for the right moment to tell me. A moment like this.

“What do you get from his dreamscape?” Nick was looking at me, waiting for a response. “Anything?”

“Just darkness.”

“Maybe I could try. Maybe I could send him a picture.” He smiled thinly. “Or just talk to him, like a normal person.”

“He’d listen,” I said. “If you told him. How do you know he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I think he has enough to deal with. Besides, you know the rules. No commitment. Jaxon would burst a blood vessel if he knew.”

“Stuff Jaxon. It’s not fair for you to carry this.”

“I’ve managed a year, sötnos. I can manage longer.”

My throat was tight. He was right, of course. Jaxon didn’t let us commit. He didn’t like relationships. Even if Nick had loved me, we couldn’t have been together. But now the truth was staring me in the face—now the dream had shattered—I could hardly breathe. This man was not mine. He had never been mine. And no matter how much I loved him, he would never be mine.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I grasped the railing. “I mean—I know it’s none of my business, but—”

“I didn’t want to worry you. You’ve had problems of your own to deal with. I knew Jax would be interested in you, but he’s put you through hell and back. He still treats you like a shiny new toy. It makes me sorry I ever brought you into this.”

“No. No, don’t think that.” I turned to him and squeezed his hand, too tight. “You saved me, Nick. Sooner or later I would have lost my mind. I had to know, or I would have always felt like an outsider. You made me feel like I was part of something, part of a lot of things, actually. I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”

Shock registered on his face. “You look like you’re going to cry.”

“I’m not.” I let go of his hand. “Look, I have to go. I’m meeting someone.”

I wasn’t.

“Paige, wait. Don’t go.” He grasped my wrist, pulled me back. “I’ve upset you, haven’t I? What is it?”

“I’m not upset.”