“He was sitting there opposite me, opening and shutting his legs like a trap. He looked almost as handsome as you. I promised to tell him everything I knew about you if he fucked me. I told him I was an unorgasmic virgin. It was time, you see. He was amused, and seems to have looked into these things. ‘Apparently, the use of virgins,’ he told me, ‘prolongs life. The headmaster of a Roman school for girls lived to one hundred and fifty. Rather that than ingesting the dried cells of fetal pigs, or drinking snake oil.’ He seemed to think it was a decent exchange. He fucked me hard, right there on the floor. It was wonderful. Is it always like that? I’m pregnant.”

“By him? Matte?”

She patted her stomach. “Don’t ask me if I’ll keep it.”

“The world is full of single mothers. It’s the only way, these days. What use are men? But he’s not a good man.”

“I don’t need to tell you, a good man is hard to find. Ask Patricia!”

“Alicia, that was a mad thing to do! You don’t know him!”

“One day, I’ll present him with a bill.”

“But why him?”

“You’d turned me on and I couldn’t wait any longer. No one else on that boat seemed much interested in having me. I know I’m not beautiful, and as a girl all I wanted was to be beautiful. Matte was looking at me like a hungry wolf I couldn’t keep from the door.”

“It’s like having a kid with the devil.”

“If he’s really bad, you’d better tell me the details. I can only consider my position if I know the facts. Otherwise … I’m going ahead with it.”

She was waiting; she seemed to be aware that there was more I knew.

“I only met him once,” I said. I kissed and cuddled her. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“What will you do now?”

“I’m back living with Mother. Things are dark. I need to tell you, I don’t know how to go on.”

I was looking at her. “People either want eternal life or they want out right now.”

“Can you think of reasons to continue?”

“Lots. Pleasure.”

“Only that?”

“Children,” I added, “if you like them. They always gave me more pleasure than anything else.”

“Good, good,” she said.

With her, I always felt I had to justify the most basic things, which discomforted me. Still, I liked her; I’d always liked her. I wanted to help her. Then I had an idea. I told her I had something to sort out; we agreed to meet later.