I held the lighter close to my chest. I didn’t know how much closer I could get it without turning into a bonfire. Still, rather self-immolation than the degradation that would otherwise be my fate. I’d go out with a bang, burning like a torch, screaming down the road.
Apart from Matte, everyone retreated. The doctors shrank back. Matte wanted to grab me. There was a moment when, to be honest, he could have done it. But the others’ fear seemed to affect him. He didn’t know what to do; all he could do was play for time.
There was nothing behind me but the door, which was open. I picked up my shirt and trousers before turning and fleeing. I ran, and I guess they ran, but I ran faster and I knew my way out of there.
I climbed the fence, got dressed, and continued to run. It was dark, but I was fit and had some idea where I was going. They’d get in their cars and pursue me, but I was being canny now. I was away. They would never find me.
It didn’t occur to me for a long time to consider my destination. When I felt safe I rested in someone’s garden. I needed a drink, but sweat and petrol don’t smell good together. The last thing I needed was suspicious looks. I was carrying my credit cards, but I realized there was nowhere I could go now; not back to my wife, to my hotel, or to stay with friends. I wouldn’t be safe until Matte’s brother died, or Matte turned his attention elsewhere. Even then there could be other criminals pursuing me. It was as though I were wearing the Mona Lisa.
I was a stranger on the earth, a nobody with nothing, belonging nowhere, a body alone, condemned to begin again, in the nightmare of eternal life.