What about me?

Should I have kept running last night despite Etan’s protests? Should I never have come at all? Was there even anything I could do to help us find a solution?

“What, you want to know your role in all this?” she asked.

“Yes! Desperately!”

Scarlet sat up, looking deep into my eyes. “Too bad, because I don’t know.” The matter-of-factness in her face made me want to laugh, which was good as that seemed to be her goal. “Hollis, all I can tell you is that I believe you’re here for a reason. And maybe we don’t know what it is today, but I’m certain that whatever happens, we’ll need you.”

“You think?” I asked, finally lying down.

“I do,” she said, joining me.

We were quiet for a long time, lost in our own thoughts. I liked that about Scarlet, that I could be silent with her.

“I’m trained, Hollis,” she said out of nowhere. “Since I was old enough to carry a sword, I’ve learned to swing one. But when . . .” Her lips started trembling, and I knew then that she was telling the story we all thought she’d never tell. She swallowed and kept going. “When they came in, I couldn’t move to save my life. I can remember that very thought going through my head: if you want to live, you have to move. And I couldn’t.”

I watched as she fidgeted with the edge of the blankets, trying to tame her thoughts.

“They walked in without fanfare. The first few people fell without any sort of fear or anticipation because they were so quiet. No one started running until a few people realized what was happening and started to scream.

“Hollis, I know it was only a few minutes, but it felt so slow. Every day new pieces of the picture fall into place, new memories. Father yelled at Silas to run. But Silas . . . he wouldn’t go. Father grabbed a sword off the wall and went into the fray, and Silas followed right behind him. They took down at least two men that I saw before . . .” She had to pause. “Father went down first. I looked away and then saw Sullivan was jumping in front of me on my right.”

She shook her head. “It’s like they didn’t think a single stab was enough for him. The way they . . . I don’t think I can tell you about all of that.”

“It’s all right. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to.” I reached out for her hand, and she gave it to me, gripping me with all her might. She took a moment to let out a sob, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. I wondered if she would stop then, she seemed so pained by the memories. But she didn’t.

“I didn’t see what happened to your parents. Honestly, I kept looking for you. I didn’t know you and Mother weren’t in there. My eyes just kept darting across the room, feet planted to the floor. I have pieces of images. A neck. Clutched hair. I remember someone threw a vase. Blood. So much blood.