I gave my word to Colin, so Lennon was my responsibility, not his. Lennon was being used as another chess piece in a power play game. Fucking A, I really hated people (most, at least).

“I think you need to calm down and think this through.”

“Do I not look calm to you?” I rage-hissed.

Guilt was making a fierce comeback, clawing to the forefront of my mind while also slithering its way around my heart, squeezing it damn near to death after it’d only just started beating again.

Had I not walked out of that room in Aruba, I’d have been in Colin’s life—and in Juliette’s—from the beginning, and none of this would’ve ever happened.

No, this wasn’t me working through the stages of grief, this was me back in Hell after narrowly escaping there.

I stared at the floor in a daze, every muscle in my body locked and loaded, ready to throw down with my brother if I had to.

Exhaling a deep breath, I tried to pull myself together. Colin’s safe. I didn’t fail tonight. I shook my head, disagreeing with my own damn thoughts. I did fail. Lennon’s in danger.

If Lennon didn’t survive, would Colin wind up just like me, living a life full of bitterness, anger, and spite? Walk the road of revenge as I did while hating me on top of it? No, I couldn’t let that happen.

“I know what’s going on in your head.” His voice was low and steady, interrupting the chaos in my mind. “Believe me, I do. I was there last year with Callie.”

He tossed a hand behind him as if signaling toward his past.

“But you have a son in the mix you didn’t know about, so that has to make things a hundred times more confusing. You’ve been the glue that has held our entire family together. The rock. The father to us all, stepping in when Dad fucked up. You never let us down. Never let us walk alone. And you actually expect us not to be there for you when you need us the most?”

I stepped away from him, lifting my hands in the air. “I will not let you miss out on your child’s birth. Nor will I take the chance that Callie or Maria become widows if something happens to either of you out there.”

“But you’ll risk making Izzy one by bringing Hudson with you?” He cocked his head, staring me down as if offended that I was allowing my brother-in-law to have my six but not my flesh and blood.

“No, I . . .” I cursed in Italian, my hands flailing to my sides.