Dr. Wallace sighed. “Look, there are other alternatives. I could recommend you to a psychiatrist for a more traditional course of therapy. This Program business—it’s really quite radical. It can have a lot of side effects—dysthymia, sexual dysphoria, unwanted personality changes. It can exacerbate adjustment disorders. It’s a major stressor. I was extremely surprised, to tell you the truth, that the FDA even approved it.”

“Are you saying I don’t qualify?”

He scowled. “No, I’m not saying that. I just think you shouldn’t jump into this—”

“I really just want to give this a try,” you said—but he was already writing on his little pad.

The clinic was a skyscraper in Midtown. There was a small mob of protesters outside. Almost all men. With police standing by to keep the route clear.

“It isn’t worth it!”

They looked like slobs. Unshaven, red-eyed. Middle of the fucking day, why weren’t they at work anyway? They didn’t have time off for a medical appointment.

“Listen, buddy! You don’t know what you’re giving up!”

“Don’t let those bitches in your head!”

Fucking crazies. It was like going to an abortion clinic. “Oh yeah,” you called back over your shoulder as you reached the doorman. “What did they do? Cut your balls off?”

Their faces when you said that. Cut their balls off. That was a good one. You were chuckling all the way up the elevator.

Then there was this long intake interview with a white-haired woman doctor in her sixties. Personal information forms, permissions, liability waivers, detailed questionnaires about how many girls you’d been with and what you liked to do in bed and how many times a week you masturbated and the whole thing. You answered them all good-naturedly, though you couldn’t imagine this old lady reading them.

Under permissions there was a question that read:

“While your enrollment in the Program, like all medical information, is strictly private, we have found that many of our clients wish to make their participation known to others. As a service to our clients, Gallman Clinic LLP provides a public registry to which interested parties can subscribe. If wish to you waive your right to privacy and include your name in the registry, Gallman Clinic LLP can verify your successful completion of the Program upon subscriber request. Do you want your name to be included in this public registry?”

Which meant that that hottie could see you’d done the Program.

You checked “yes,” because they didn’t have a “Fuck yeah!”

“This is Sophie,” said the old lady. “She’s one of our assessment counselors.”