Talking with Andrew I discovered some of the problems that he had with Julie. He felt that she was mean to him and enjoyed being mean. He thought that she wanted to start fights because she “hates me deep inside.” He said that, nevertheless, he loved her and wanted to work through these issues. When I asked him about the bedroom, he told me that he was not entirely satisfied with Julie because she was not adventurous. She seemed to take sex with him for granted and did not know how to express herself sexually. He admitted that she was his first and only sexual partner.

This revelation surprised me as Andrew was a handsome twenty-three-year-old, and I expected him to have had some experiences. His physical appearance was not unattractive; he was a thin 5′7″ and looked like he would fit into the culture with other young men his age. His conservative upbringing may have been a significant factor in his inexperience.

When I probed a little about his sexual past, he became very reticent but managed to reveal that he always felt sexually shy with girls. He told me that he had always feared that he had a very small penis and that girls would mock him for it. As I saw that this line of discussion was making him uncomfortable, I tried to reassure him that we were in a therapeutic environment and that he was safe to tell me anything he wanted to here, without the fear of it being repeated anywhere else. These sessions were for him, for his happiness, and for Julie. He seemed relieved and then asked me a question that was new to me. He asked if I would look at his penis and tell him if it was indeed small. I told him that it would probably be of no use because flaccid penis size is not a good indicator of erect size and that there was a range of sizes that were considered average. However, I was touched that he was comfortable enough with me to reveal himself this way.