Chapters (39)
- Cover
- Dedication
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
- What’s next onyour reading list?
“I don’t care.” I realize we’re getting nowhere. We’re going to keep spinning in circles unless one of us starts speaking the truth. “So you’re a thing with Danielle now?” I turn to face him. Our eyes meet and I can’t stand it, so I look away and down at my hands, picking at my nails. I don’t ever paint them, but right now I wish I did, so I would have something to chip off.
“Yeah,” he says.
“What about Abby?” I ask. “You’re just done with her?”
“There was never anything with Abby.”
“Okay then, Cecilia?”
“Cecilia knew it was coming.”
“That still doesn’t mean it’s a very nice thing to do to someone.”
“Because you’re the expert on relationships.” His words sting.
“Some of these girls might actually like you, you know. Have you ever actually liked any of them?”
“Oh they might actually like me?” His tone is sharp. “Thanks for the reassurance. It’s good to know somebody might hook up with me because they want to—not just for practice.”
I feel the guilt of last night suddenly and completely, the stupid, stupid Plan spreading back over us like a virus. Even if we’ve claimed that nothing has changed, there’s no way we can go back to the way we were before. Our friendship is infected.
“That’s not what I meant.” I feel like I’m spinning out of control, like I need to find a handhold to steady myself but am grasping at air. “You’re good with girls, Drew. It’s not an insult. I just think—maybe you’re too good with girls. I mean, Sophie Piznarski really liked you, and you dumped her out of nowhere. And now it’s become this pattern—”
“That was freshman year. Are you seriously criticizing me for something like three years ago?”
“No!” I say. “But you haven’t had another girlfriend. You just move on to a new girl anytime you see something better. You haven’t dated anyone since.”
“Neither have you,” he says, throwing my words back at me. “Unless you’re dating Dean. But I really don’t think you see it that way.” I feel my stomach clench at his words. “And why am I supposed to have a girlfriend? Why are you pushing me?”
“I’m not.” I bring my hands up to rub my face. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. I don’t want Andrew to have a girlfriend—especially not someone like Cecilia or Danielle—but somehow my words are coming out all wrong. “I just want you to stop acting like girls don’t matter. It’s insulting!”