“All that took place before I had awakened from the deep sleep of childhood, before the gods had kindled the spark of love in my heart, before the seeds of emotion and desire sown in my heart had begun to grow. Truly, all of that happened in a time when I still imagined that the ultimate happiness was to wear a beautiful dress that flattered my figure, to ride in a stately carriage, to dress in costly fabrics.

“But when I awoke, aroused by light shining into my eyes, I felt tongues of sacred fire charring and consuming my ribs. As soon as I had awakened, I felt a spiritual hunger gripping and tormenting my soul. I saw my wings flexing on my right and on my left, seeking to bear me up into a heaven of love. But then they trembled and drooped, unable to break the chains of law. My body had been shackled before I had known the essence of those chains or the consequences of that law. When I awoke and felt these things, I knew that a woman’s happiness is not to be found in a man’s wealth or in obedience to him, nor even in his generosity and kindness. It is to be found in the love that binds her spirit to his, a love that pours her emotions into his heart, that makes them one limb of the body of life, one word upon the lips of God.

“When this painful truth had become clear to my sight, I felt like a thief in Rasheed Nu’man’s house, eating his bread and then lurking in the darkness of the night. I knew that every day I spent near him was a ghastly lie, a lie that hypocrisy wrote in letters of fire upon my brow for heaven and earth to read, for I could not give him the love of my heart in return for his generosity, nor could I bestow the affection of my soul upon him in payment for his sincerity and goodness. I tried, futilely I tried to learn to love him, but I could not, for love is a power that creates our hearts. Our hearts cannot create love. Then I prayed and bowed before heaven in the silence of the night. My supplications and prayers could not engender a spiritual affection in the depths of my heart to draw me near to the man whom heaven had chosen as my companion. Love descends into our spirits by a decree of God, not by human intention. Thus, for two long years I remained in that man’s house, envying the meadow larks their freedom, though the daughters of my own kind envied me for the prison in which I lived. Like a mother whose only child has died, I mourned the heart that had been conceived by knowledge, that had been sickened by law, and that died every day of hunger and thirst.