The clouds smeared into the ground as though by a giant’s thumb, and I’d just begun to wonder about the rain when it filled my eyes and ears and trickled down my back, filling my pants, filling my shoes. The air was bright and crackling, all the dark branches were lashing sideways, and the hill was smoothed by a cape of water, which made a woooo noise like a ghost. I stumbled blindly upward. I felt as though the rain were stripping away my definite self, layer by layer, till I was just a thread of heat.

Buckled over, I sought the ridge. I saw at once the long thin arm of lightning point down and touch a pine on the ridge, as if to say, HERE! The pine exploded, blasting off its robe of bark, and the raindrops squiggled through the air like sparks.

The cloudburst strode onward. The rain turned to a bright purple mist, which soon subsided into steam. The sun rendered the water out of the land like fat from meat. Little streams crisscrossed the hills. I approached the tree, stepping over peels of bark. The tree would die in a day or two. I shook in my sodden clothes.

I doubted I could find the sheep now. I leaned over with my hands on my knees and gathered my nerves. My body was rubbery. I kept walking. I walked for an hour through the mud. Why are you here, Harmony? someone had asked during my rebirth. Are you here—to enjoy yourself? . . . To pass the time? To fall in love? I walked until I slipped on the hillside and fell hard, gashing my tongue on my teeth. My eyes stung. But I could tell that very deep down I liked it, the same way I loved jumping and falling, and Bay’s burn on my hand. I didn’t have to wonder if I could feel more. I felt everything.

When I approached the courtyard, I heard the sheep bells. Had they returned home in the storm? I entered the stable and they ran toward me. Their wool was dry. I spat hot blood from my mouth.

Had Rainer found them? Had Dice tricked me? I rushed to the long house to find out. On the porch, Dice and Sara sat on rockers. They were laughing, and they seemed to be laughing at me, and for the first time I noticed that all of Sara’s molars were black holes.

CHAPTER 20

In late September, the first frosts laced our tired-out garden. I’d been with the family a year. At a breakfast, I heard Rainer ask Maybell about the action next month, something to do with the coal company clearing off all the mountaintops. My heart began to beat. I wanted so badly to be involved. “Bay will bring us a new brother first, to help out while we’re gone,” she said.