They can hit like that sometimes. Most of the time, I can feel them coming after a particularly stressful day or if something truly awful happens. Those are the days I can batten down the hatches and psych myself up for them.

But sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. And those are the bad ones, the ones that are hard to get out of the way from.

I didn’t get out of the way of that one.

One moment it was sunny and smelling like wet leaves, and the next I was gasping for air, unable to breathe because all I could think about was her and what if and oh, God, I’m dying and drowning and I can’t catch my breath. These attacks aren’t rational things. I may be smart and a little bit naïve (okay, okay, delusional, as well), but when I’m in its grip, I am sure it will be the last time.

Breathe, I thought in a panic. You know how to breathe.

I fumbled for my phone to call Bear, to hear his voice, to tell me she couldn’t take me now, that I was seventeen years old and we hadn’t heard from her in years, but it slipped from my hands and I couldn’t find it, I couldn’t find him.

“Hey, you’re okay,” I heard a voice say, a calm, soothing voice that somehow cut through the storm. “You’re okay. You’re fine.”

I shook my head. I most certainly was not fine. I was dying. Clearly.

“I’ve seen you around,” the voice said. A hand began to rub my back. “You’re that big to-do smart kid everyone seems to talk about.”

I wondered, briefly, if this person was so completely and utterly insane that they couldn’t see I was about to die.

“It’s good to know even the geniuses have meltdowns, I guess.”

“Fuck… you…,” I managed to wheeze.

The voice laughed. “Maybe. If you’re lucky. I am saving you, after all. I feel like such a superhero! I need to get me some kickass boots. And a cape. Oh, hey, you dropped your phone. Need it?”

I nodded as lights flashed over my eyes. My chest hurt.

“Call someone?”

I nodded again.

“Smartphone. Of course. Isn’t it weird to think that twenty years ago, if we wanted to know something about the world, we’d have to go to a library to look it up? Now, you can just pull this little machine out and google it.”

How absolutely fascinating, I wanted to say. Please, continue on with your inane meanderings while I suffocate to death, you weird fucking asshole!

“Call…,” I said.

“Call someone? Like 911?”

I shook my head. “First… contact.” My skin felt slick with sweat.

“Hmm. First is…. Bear. Bear? You know someone named Bear? How ridiculous is that? It’s ringing. I can’t believe I’m calling someone named Bear.” A pause. “Yeah, is this Bear? Cool. Wicked name, by the way. You sound like a barrel of laughs. I’m—What? Yes. Kid? What kid?” A hand on my arm. “You Tyson?”