“We know he is,” Otter says. “He’s important to us too. He’s a part of this family as much as the others. You know that. But Bear is right. You can’t decide your whole future based upon the actions of one other person, especially if that person wants the same thing for you that everyone else wants, including you. And Bear, Ty’s right as well. We weren’t always like this. We weren’t always a couple, but we still made decisions with each other in mind, no matter how subconscious they were.”

“That’s different,” Bear insists. “You and I… we… that’s not going to happen with Dom and Ty. They’re not going to end up like us.”

That stings and I don’t know why.

He sighs. “Look. Maybe we are coming into this too fast. Maybe Ty’s not ready yet to go to college. We can always request a deferment and stay here another year and he can go to community college or to the U of O. Hell, he can do some kind of work-study or get a job flipping burgers.” He looks up at me. “Kid, we can do what you want to do, okay? I’m not very good at this whole parenting thing, and it seems like all I’ve thought about is what I want for you. Not what you want. Not completely.”

“You’ve done just fine,” I tell him roughly. “Better than anyone ever.”

He smiles, though it has a melancholic curve that I want to wipe away. “And you’re growing up. You’re just… one day you’re just going to be this… man… this great man, and I know I won’t understand where the time has gone.” He squeezes my hand. “I just want to do right by you, okay? I want you to be able to do what you need to, to be okay.”

And can’t you see I need you to make the decision? You can’t leave me with a choice, Bear. You can’t. You just can’t, because I don’t know what I’ll choose. I’m scared of what I’ll choose. I need you to decide, and I might resent you for it, and I might even hate you for a time, but you’re my big brother and I need you to choose for me.

“Okay” is all I say.

“But it’s not something that can wait, Kid,” he warns. “If you decide we stay here, then you need to make the decision fast. We’ll need to give Dartmouth as much time as we can. I don’t think it’ll be an issue, given how much they were drooling over you, but I don’t want to take any chances. I’ll also need to see if I can re-up my teaching contract with the school district here and pull out of the one in New Hampshire.”

“And I’ll sit around and do nothing, like I always do,” Otter says with that crooked grin on his face.

“You guys would do that for me?” I ask in a small voice, feeling like a jerk that it’s even on the table.