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Chapters (31)
  1. Cover
  2. I. The Advertisement
  3. II. The Karburator
  4. III. Pantheism
  5. IV. God in the Cellar
  6. V. Bishop Linda
  7. VI. The Board-Meeting
  8. VII. Developments
  9. VIII. The Dredge
  10. IX. The Ceremony
  11. X. Saint Ellen
  12. XI. The First Blow Struck
  13. XII. Doctor Blahous
  14. XIII. The Chronicler’s Apology
  15. XIV. The Land of Plenty
  16. XV. Disaster
  17. XVI. In the Mountains
  18. XVII. The Hammer and Star
  19. XVIII. In the Night Editor’s Room
  20. XIX. The Process of Canonization
  21. XX. St. Kilda
  22. XXI. The Telegram
  23. XXII. The Old Patriot
  24. XXIII. The Augsburg Imbroglio
  25. XXIV. The Napoleon of the Mountain Brigade
  26. XXV. The So-Called Greatest War
  27. XXVI. The Battle of Hradec Kralove
  28. XXVII. A Coral Island in the Pacific
  29. XXVIII. At Seven Cottages
  30. XXIX. The Last Battle
  31. XXX. The End of Everything

In addition to this the Procurator Dei secured detailed expert opinions from the greatest scientific specialists in the world. Professor Gardien, Rector of the medical faculty in Paris, for example, after exhaustive researches, wrote as follows: “Seeing that innumerable cases presented to us for examination were from a medical standpoint completely hopeless and scientifically incurable (paralysis, cancer of the throat, blindness after surgical removal of both eyes, lameness following on amputation of both the lower extremities, death following on complete separation of the head from the trunk, strangulation in a subject hanged two days before, etc.), the medical faculty of the Sorbonne is of the opinion that the so-called miraculous cures in such cases can only be ascribed either to complete ignorance of anatomical and pathological conditions, clinical inexperience, and utter incompetence in medical practice, or—a possibility we do not wish to exclude—to the interference of higher powers not limited by the laws of nature or any knowledge thereof.”

Professor Meadow of Glasgow, the psychologist, wrote: “ . . . . Since in these activities there is manifest what is obviously a thinking being, capable of association, memory, and even of logical judgment, a being which performs these psychic operations without the medium of a brain and nervous system, it affords a striking corroboration of my crushing criticism of the psychophysical parallelism advocated by Professor Meyer. I affirm that the so-called Absolute is a psychic, conscious, and intelligent being, albeit our scientific knowledge of its nature is as yet but small.”

Professor Lupen of the Brno Technical Institute wrote: “From the standpoint of effective performance, the Absolute is a force deserving of the highest respect.”

The famous chemist, Willibald of Tubingen, wrote: “The Absolute possesses all the requisite conditions of existence and scientific evolution, as it is in admirable conformity with Einstein’s theory of Relativity.”

The present chronicler will no longer detain you with the pronouncements of the world’s scientific luminaries; in any case they were all published in the Acts of the Holy See.

The process of canonization went forward in quick time. In the meantime a committee of eminent authorities on dogma and exegesis had completed a statement in which the identity of the Absolute with the Third Person of the Trinity was definitely established on the basis of the Scriptures and the writings of the Fathers of the Church.

But before the ceremony of deification took place, the Patriarch of Constantinople declared, as head of the Eastern Church, the identity of the Absolute with the First Person of the Trinity, the Creator. This undeniably heretical teaching was espoused by the Old Catholics, the circumcised Christians of Abyssinia, the Evangelicals of the Helvetian Confession, the Nonconformists, and several of the larger American sects. This brought about a lively theological dispute. As for the Jews, a secret doctrine spread among them to the effect that the Absolute was Baal of old; the Liberal Jews announced that they would in that case recognize Baal.