And rightly so, but the rejection was a knife to my heart. Only a handful of others were out at that time of day, but they all avoided me. They weren’t cruel or angry, but I could hardly have felt more conspicuous.

There goes the woman caught in sin. Best not go near.

Even Alice, as she stepped out of the hardware store, glanced in my direction before quickly turning her head and heading the opposite way.

I walked faster, wishing I’d taken the path behind the houses. It was okay. I was only paying the price I had asked to pay. And that price was supposed to hurt.

But it made me want to cry. For the first time since my marriage, I could not get to Andrew’s house fast enough.

His home was similar to all the homes in Haven Valley. Two stories, the main bedroom and bathroom on the bottom floor, with two small additional bedrooms upstairs. A simple kitchen, living room, and mudroom. The layout was almost identical to my mother’s home, but even after spending two nights a week here for the last five months, the space felt new and strange.

It was the smell, I thought. Musky and dank. And Andrew liked to keep the drapes closed. But tonight I would embrace all of that.

He was a simple man with few strong preferences, so cooking for him was easy. The same was true of his house. Although style and design weren’t encouraged, most people added small personal touches.

Andrew had nothing personal on display. Nothing on the walls, no rugs, nothing on the coffee table. Not even a knickknack to be seen. He’d packed all of his first wife’s belongings in a box and stored it away. I had been upstairs once when first shown the house, but not since, because the rooms were empty.

He’d told me once over dinner that I could do whatever I liked with the home when I moved in. I had often tried to imagine what I might do, but the thought of living with him made my gut turn.

Not tonight. Well, yes, it did make me a bit queasy, but I tried my best, humming as I quickly prepared the meal, forcing myself to imagine making the house my own. Not so difficult, really. The first thing I would do was add color. Flowers. I wanted our child to imagine a world full of life and wonder.

I remembered the tiny jeans and red shirts that my mother used to dress little Lukas in. He’d been such an adorable boy.

What would you wear today, Lukas? Remember that Spider-Man shirt you used to waddle around in?