No, of course it’s not. “I can’t do that now. And you have Luisa.”

“Forget Luisa.” He groans. “You know how I feel about her.”

“I know what you tell me. But what you tell her is obviously a different story. She’s in love with you, Kane, and you’re leading her on.”

He digs his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and rocks back and forth on his bare feet, considering this. “Fine. I’ll break up with her.”

I blink. I don’t know why I’m surprised. Kane never got himself worked up over a girl. Ever. “Don’t make this because of me. You owe her that much.”

He nods silently, contemplating this, which makes me think I need to explain myself.

“I mean, I don’t think I’d be very good at that right now. You know. Dating. Being a girlfriend. Not with…what happened. It’s still way too soon.”

Too soon for…everything. Including what we just did.

“Fine. I’ll break up with her anyway.” When I give him a questioning look, he says, “You’re right. Our love-hate relationship is mostly hate. I’m kidding myself. I’ll never be happy with her.”

Scraping my ragged fingernails against my palms, I tug on the doorknob when I notice something on the top of his dresser, between the neatly arranged trophies. It’s a watch. And not any watch. I know it because of the crack on the face, the hands permanently stuck at 3:15. It’s Declan’s. I pick it up. “Why did you take his watch?”

“I didn’t take it. He gave it to me.” Kane shrugs. “Actually…he gave it to me the night before he died.”

“But this watch was his dad’s.” He’d loved this thing. I turn it over in my hands. It’s one of those fancy diving watches with all the gadgets. I run my finger along the inside of the strap, which had touched Declan’s wrist so many times. My breath catches in my throat. I’d told Juliet that Declan hadn’t been the typical suicide who gave away his prized possessions. But I was clearly wrong. He simply hadn’t given them to me. “Did he tell you why?”

Kane shakes his head slowly. Great, another unanswered question to add to the pile. Before I can sigh in desperation, Kane reaches out and tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

I flinch. Declan didn’t know about Kane and me, I remind myself. Did he? It doesn’t matter. Kane is right. I keep trying to find explanations to make myself feel better, and yet, everything I learn makes me feel worse. “I want to go to church,” I tell him.

He stiffens, then lets out a breath. “To pray?”

“No. To talk to Father Brady. He and Declan were close. He might be able to share something.”