After that, he takes my hand and we walk back to our houses. Standing toe to toe, I Iook up at him as he gently takes my face in his hands and wipes my tears with the pad of his thumb. He tells me that he will always love me, that I need to take care of myself, that I need to move on. Move on, move on, move on. No going back. Ever forward, even when we’re standing still.

I will keep on this path, though I am falling, falling, falling through the endless hell I built around me. I may go to college and meet someone else, but I will never love that person with all of myself, the way I did the Weeks boys. I know that.

There will always be a part of me that belongs to them.

Now

I’ve started college, and my grades aren’t terrible. Silas and I are dating, and life is okay on that front. I think I might even care about him, though not too much. Don’t worry; I constantly keep that in check.

I’m moving on.

As humans, it’s not possible to stay in one spot. The world moves around us, and we must move with it. And you would want me to, right, Declan?

Maybe I will find a place here, one day. But it will be a darker place, nothing like the one I imagined all those years ago, when you loved me.

But what is it they say? Shadows make one appreciate the light.

In my mind, our last night went like this: Under the starry sky, in the backyard, you told me that you still loved me, would always love me, and we had all the time in the world to be together. Our path stretched out before us like a long, winding, beautiful road.

But in reality? I suppose reality was much different.

I am my past. I can’t escape it, and I can’t lie down and die in it, so I’ll carry it with me, in chains around me, for the rest of my life. I’ll make myself as comfortable as I can, no matter how much the truth burdens me, and maybe one day you can forgive me.

I will never be the person you once believed I was.

But that hopeless romantic in me endures, a boat beating against the current. And I still believe in us.

Even if I’m the only one, Declan. I still believe in us.

Acknowledgments

My deepest appreciation to Annette and the whole wonderful team at Sourcebooks, my superb agent, Mandy, my amazing readers, and all of my family and friends who get me through each day, especially Sara, Gabrielle, and Brian. Thank you for everything.

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