“I never wear makeup first thing. Gym,” I tell her. Or at least that’s what I tell everyone. It doesn’t make sense to dress up first thing when I’m going to have to change into sweats and run the track. But really, I haven’t put much into my appearance for a long time. The meds have wreaked havoc on my body, making my skin break out, adding pounds… I know I look different, but I’m here, at least. I make a mental note to put on some lip gloss when I change into my school outfit. “So what’s the deal? You guys have a good Valentine’s Day?”

Nina and Javier exchange worried glances. I don’t know who issued the command that the V-holiday couldn’t be mentioned in my presence. I brought it up, after all. Finally, Nina says, “Um, fine.” Then she quickly adds, “Did you do that problem set for trig?”

I might never have been the class clown, but people used to joke with me. They used to have fun around me. Now, I can’t get through a conversation without awkward silences and half-uttered sentences. “Yeah,” I answer. “It sucked.”

Trig is usually easy for me. But last night, it wasn’t. Every two seconds, my eyes would wander to that Yuengling box filled with Declan’s stuff. It had seen his last moments. Those moments before he went down into the basement and pulled Mr. Weeks’s handgun out of its case. Before he’d gone out to the shed, broken open the lock, and…

Before, we used to go to the movies at least once a month. To the diner. To the mall. As six, it worked out nicely. We’d all pile into Javier’s SUV. Now, we’re an odd five. We haven’t been anywhere as a group in more than a year. The last time, we’d gone to see some forgettable comedy that wasn’t worth the price of admission. It was such a low-note ending. Like Declan’s last tweet, a day before: Wawa packed with people getting bread and milk. Couldn’t get gas.

Not exactly profound.

All of it was so dull, so everyday. In fact, nothing he had done said, This is my last.

When I break out of my trance, Nina and Javier are staring at me. It’s obvious Nina asked me another question while I was spaced out. “Huh?” I ask.

Nina massages my shoulder. “I was asking if you heard what happened with Luisa and Kane. I heard they had a real big blowout yesterday.”