A murmur of interest arose from the congregation.

‘Which of the following is true? A. The State shouldn’t care for the obese: they’re responsible for their condition. B. The State should care for the obese, irrespective of cost. C. The State should care for the obese and compensate them: it is at fault for creating the conditions under which people are unable to control their eating.’

Tancredi now understood the rules of the game and answered ‘C.’

‘Bravo!’ exclaimed the Game Show Master, as the organ sounded a merry chord sequence. The crowd cheered as one being. The kindling began to catch, engulfing Kasbek in smoke. A disembodied yelp rang from the pyre.

‘Kasbek!’ screamed Tamany, writhing in Cocomo’s grasp. Her heart melted for him, but now wasn’t the time for a rescue attempt.

‘I gave the right answer,’ pleaded Tancredi, ‘free Kasbek.’

‘That’s not how it works,’ the Game Show Master laughed, glancing in the direction of Cocomo and Tamany.

The message was clear. Kasbek was lost. If he gave another wrong answer, the others would follow. The organ parped a series of discordant notes at incredible volume.

‘The star Surprise will shortly go supernova. It threatens to destroy the Universe. Will we be saved if all the inhabitants of every world join in a synchronised can-can?’

At the mention of the dance, Tancredi kicked out a leg in rage and despair. A hoverboard rider nearby tried to imitate the Game Show hero. Instantly he fell off his machine. Tancredi kicked again, another copied him and fell.

‘Look at me! Look at me!’ screamed Cocomo, jumping up and down, waving her arms.

Thousands of beady eyes focussed on her. She began to hop from one leg to the other with incredible dexterity.

‘They’re morons, Tancredi,’ she shouted as she danced. ‘Dance! Kick!’

He opened his mouth as if he didn’t understand, then nodded. Although unbalanced by the loss of his arm, he started to kick as high and hard as any chorus-line dancer, his face a picture of concentration. He had good reason, he was kicking for his life.

The hoverboard rider guarding Cocomo attempted the step. ‘Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!’ he wheezed. Seconds later, he too slipped off his machine. Another tried to kick whilst being fed by a mantis device, disturbing its smooth operation. Enraged, the machine beat him about the head. The conveyor belt juddered to a stop. This confused the feeding devices, and great arcs of goo flew through the air like fireworks. As the kicking craze spread across the hall, the organ parped a series of shanty-like cadences, whipping the congregation into an ever-more urgent can-can. Hoverboards clashed, and goo-covered pink limbs twisted as riders collapsed in a sea of Obesian flesh.

Cocomo seized her chance. She picked up Tamany and raced over to Kasbek. As soon as he had been liberated, they leapt onto a vacant hoverboard and sped towards Tancredi.

‘Stop them!’ screamed the Game Show Master.

Blubbery arms lashed out, then lost their target as Tancredi vaulted onto the contraption.