‘Face them, show you don’t care.’

A few minutes later the crowd began to disperse. Tancredi and Cocomo were left on the platform, which was now lowered to the ground. Although Tancredi was shivering with shock beneath his wilted fool’s cap, he once again experienced the elation of having survived an ordeal. Cocomo’s wedding dress was a mess of splattered blood and excrement. As Tamany and Kasbek clambered onto the platform to comfort their friend, Tancredi scanned the surrounding area for Bonnita. He imagined that she would rush to him and they would embrace. In his mind, his survival of the ceremony was a proof of his love.

Bonnita took her time to pick her way through the grime-filled floor of the arena. When she saw Tancredi, a look of horror spread across her face. She would no more touch him than dive into a vat of dung. Tancredi’s hopes of a heroic deliverance melted. It was clear she had no interest in him. Her sole concern was the inconvenience of her abduction.

‘Animal! Demon! Beast!’ Bonnita shrieked, shaking her fist at Cocomo. ‘I’ll kill you!’

Cocomo attempted to rearrange her muck-ridden hair to comical effect.

‘Perhaps you should have a go on the platform. It might focus your mind before your next wedding.’

She threw back her head, laughed, then looked at Tancredi.

‘Aren’t you going to claim your bride?’ she jibed with an expression of mock anguish.

A look of sorrow suffused with stupidity swept his face. The nightmare of the ceremony was nothing compared to the shame he now felt. He deserved his fool’s cap. Long-term thinking had been eviscerated by lust, desperation and insecurity. Although Tancredi had temporarily lost his mind, at least he was able to acknowledge the situation he found himself in. The best antidote to heartbreak was a dose of reality. Before him stood the most beautiful girl in the Universe, but one who he realised couldn’t care less about him.

Bonnita spotted an opportunity to move her attack from the verbal to the physical. She ascended the driver’s cab, soiling her clothes against the grime which clung to its side. She grimaced. It would be worth it. She searched the control panel.

Then she pushed the button marked ‘Up’. The platform began to move skywards. Everyone shouted at her, but to no avail. Soon they reached the edge of the planet’s atmosphere. Bonnita watched from below as they were jettisoned into space.

XIII
Scoop

Cosmic currents carried the space travellers to a new planet. On entering its atmosphere the rickety platform broke in two, separating Tancredi from the group. He landed on a soft but smelly spot – a rubbish tip. His companions were nowhere to be seen. He presumed they had landed on a different part of the planet – he would have to find them.

Stumbling down the tip, Tancredi looked at his surroundings. This was a strange planet. It appeared to be made of newspapers: paper trees, paper ground, paper walls of a paper building. He was about to set off in search of his friends when a rubbish bag tumbled down the garbage slope, followed by another. Presently the cause of the avalanche was revealed.