Tancredi

TANCREDI

James Palumbo

Contents

I Tancredi sets off to save the world

II The space ship Invincible

III Tamany’s story

IV The pirates attack

V The end of the line

VI The battle of the living dead

VII Tancredi goes to hospital

VIII The monster of Sanitalis

IX The twin moons of Eros

X Cocomo’s story

XI Bonnita’s story

XII Tancredi gets divorced

XIII Scoop

XIV The filth factory

XV The pink planet

XVI Tancredi’s lucky dip

XVII The end game

XVIII Correctomondo

XIX The Middle Way

XX The New Middle Way

XXI Comfortably Numb

XXII Ylang Ylang

XXIII The abyss

XXIV Surprise

I
Tancredi Sets Off To Save The World

Once upon a time, in the not too far distant future, there lived a young man called Tancredi who didn’t conform to the conventions of the world in which he lived. This was just as well, as Earth was in a dire situation. All the planet’s inhabitants suffered from the incurable disease of short-term thinking. Its symptoms were the ceaseless grabbing for gain and gratification. Although the fruits of this behaviour were rendered meaningless by death, no one could conceive of any other way of living.

On the day Tancredi was born, scientists discovered a new star. It was so small it had gone unnoticed for millennia. Stargazers named it Surprise, in the spirit of a little astrological joke. On closer inspection they made another finding, this one less amusing. After a lifetime of obscurity the diminutive star intended to draw attention to itself. Activity on its surface indicated that one day it would go supernova. A star, so insignificant it had escaped detection, was destined to be the instrument of Armageddon across the Universe.

Tancredi was raised by an uncle, who was an elegantly dressed, upstanding citizen, but mean-spirited. His parents had been inventors, killed in a space accident. Their deaths had an unusual effect on Tancredi: he became acutely aware of his own mortality. This went beyond a psychological reaction to the loss of his parents. Tancredi realised that since death was inevitable, he might as well try to achieve something in life. From this he developed a mission – he would save the planet, an objective of unthinkable altruism.

Meanwhile, his uncle had calculated that if Tancredi had inherited his parents’ ingenuity, he might profit with a new wardrobe.

The teenager locked himself in his room, littering it with strange drawings and mathematical calculations. Tancredi had no friends. Birthdays and school were forgotten by the sartorial miser; both were an expense. Tancredi was indifferent to pleasure, hardly ate, never spoke except to his dog. His sole aim was to find a means to accomplish his quest. He began with a series of inventions.

His first creation reflected his struggle to find meaning in a world obsessed with the quick and easy. The CrapOmeter was a machine programmed to identify myriad word combinations bearing the reek of excrement, its function to hold a mirror to the face of man’s conceits. On identification of an offending phrase, it sang out: ‘Crap Warning!’ But it was not a success, as mankind was addicted to this form of communication.