‘But it’s not just about risks, it’s about your mum too. You have very strong family values. You’d feel so guilty if you left her. How would she even cope?’

‘I don’t… my mum doesn’t need… oh, what’s the point in covering this up? I think she’d manage just fine, Lex.’

‘Sorry, what?’ I wonder if I’ve heard correctly. ‘Sash, what are you talking about?’

‘I caught her out.’

‘What do you mean you caught her out? You’re not making any sense.’

‘What I mean is, I was really fed up at work the other day, so I asked if I could take a half-day. On my way home, I decided to stop by my mum’s place to check on her and I caught her…’ Sasha’s voice wobbles as she trails off, sounding ashamed.

‘You caught her what?’

The silence resumes once again.

‘Sasha? Spit it out.’

‘I caught her having sex with a man.’

‘WHAT?’ I’m so shocked, I sit bolt upright on my bed. ‘Wait, how? No, sorry that’s a stupid question. I thought she was way too ill for that. And… I mean, does she even have a bloke?’

‘These were all questions I asked myself, believe me.’ Sasha now sounds quite miserable.

‘Well, what did she say when you caught her?’

‘Nothing. She doesn’t know. She was… in the moment.’

‘Eww!’ I wail. ‘That’s so gross.’

‘It is. I can’t get the image out of my head. She wasn’t the mum I’ve known these recent years. She was so… energetic.’

‘Stop it, please. I can’t take any more.’ I start to laugh and then clamp my hand over my mouth as I realise this is no joke to Sasha. ‘So, are you going to have it out with her?’

‘I am,’ she says quietly. ‘At least, I want to. But I’m really crap at these things, as you well know. I wanted to get my facts straight, so when she was having a bath one evening, I went through her cupboards and found a medical letter.’

‘And?’

‘And the night she went into hospital with a heart attack, it turns out it was severe indigestion. That can cause chest pain similar to a heart attack.’

‘Huh? Why would she lie about that?’

I’m back to rubbing my forehead exhaustedly, but this time from trying to follow the complete absurdity of this story.

‘I wondered that myself. And then I figured it out. To give her an easy life and keep me from living my own. She’s not ill at all, she’s a benefits cheat. I don’t know how she’s managed to fraudulently claim benefits – she’s clearly got any paperwork related to that hidden away somewhere – but she’s faking some kind of illness. Maybe she genuinely did think she was having a heart attack at the time, and when I said I’d come home from my holiday to look after her, she realised that this was a way for her to have everything she wanted.’