Eventually I tear my thoughts away from Matt and drag myself off the bed and into the kitchen to make some food. Just as I’m preparing a tofu salad my phone starts to ring in my bag, so I pad through to the hallway and dig out my phone to see that the caller is Sasha. My first instinct is to let it go to voicemail. I’m just too tired to engage in any more conversation today. But there’s something inside me that just won’t let me do that. Instead I hit the answer button.

‘Sash, how you doing? Everything OK?’

Sasha’s bouncy yet anxious voice echoes in my ear canal. ‘Hiya, Lex. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to know how your first day went?’

‘It was fine.’ I rub my forehead exhaustedly, an automatic response to the high energy of Sasha’s side of the interaction.

‘Just fine?’

‘No, sorry, it was good. Really good.’

‘Tell me more. What were the people like?’

I return to my bedroom and lie back on the bed as I currently don’t have the stamina to stand and talk at the same time. I recap the day for Sasha, telling her Emmanuel and I are on the same wavelength and the rest of the team seem nice and capable. I also mention Danielle and the trouble she’s already causing.

‘Oh, Lex, that’s not good. You don’t need that with your…’ She trails off.

‘With my what?’ I instinctively challenge her.

There’s a silence, then a smaller voice comes down the line. ‘Nothing. Sorry, just ignore me.’

‘I’ll be fine, Sash. I get why you’re concerned, but you know me. I’m good at dealing with difficult people. Maybe not as exceptionally good as I was, but I’m still right up there. Way better than you,’ I add to punctuate the point, then immediately feel a pinch of shame at my meanness.

‘That’s not hard.’ The vibrancy returns to her voice and she giggles, taking no offence whatsoever. ‘Not sure there’s anyone who runs faster from conflict than me.’

‘Aww, you’re not that bad.’

‘Bad enough that I’m too scared to broach the whole Birmingham thing with my mum.’

I grimace, wondering why Sasha still isn’t showing any sign of shutting this move thing down. ‘That’s different. Your mum’s ill. It will really affect her if you move.’ I pause and consider whether to go on. ‘Look, Sash, it’s lovely that you want to come and join me, but I’m not sure I should be your first priority. Your mum needs you much more than I do.’

There’s another silence at the end of the phone.

‘Sash?’

‘I know you don’t need me,’ she says eventually. ‘I was really worried about you before, but I’ve seen that you can look after yourself. At least, you can when your symptoms aren’t too troublesome.’

‘So, what’s going on?’

She exhales sharply. ‘I don’t know. I guess… seeing you go off and make a new life for yourself, it’s made me think about my own. I’m worried I’m going to get forty years down the road and regret never having properly lived – all because I’m too scared to take any risks.’