‘Look, Laura, I hear what you’re saying, but I think I’d rather keep this to myself. I’m just getting my own head around things and the last thing I need is lots of questions and sympathetic looks.’

‘That’s fair.’ She nods. ‘I hadn’t thought about it that way.’

‘And if you don’t mind, can we do this whole “reasonable adjustments” thing later? I’d rather focus on getting back into things, then I’ll be able to tell you what support I think I need.’

Laura studies me for a moment. It’s clear she doesn’t want to let this conversation go, but she’s also smart enough to realise it will be more productive when I’m ready to deal with it.

‘OK, fine,’ she concedes reluctantly. ‘But there are a couple of things I want to cover before you head off.’

‘What’s that?’

She hesitates again. ‘I’d like you to work shorter days this week, to avoid you getting too tired. Coming back to work after a long period of absence can be tough.’

‘OK… I suppose that makes sense.’

‘Also, I’m going to keep Alan on as project manager on the implementation. It’s a challenging role with a tight timeline and a lot of pressure attached to it. Pressure I don’t think you need, given the circumstances.’

As she says these words, a feeling of hurt mixed with anger starts to simmer inside me. This isn’t about looking after me. If it was, she’d be asking me what I need, not causing me stress by taking away something that’s so important to me. She doesn’t trust that I can do the job any more and unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about it – she can assign me to any project she wants me on.

‘Right. So if you’re taking me off that project, what are you reassigning me to?’ I force the words through my tensed jaw.

‘There’s a new piece of work being set up to look at some issues with our time and attendance system. It’s something we’ve been needing to address for some time. I thought you’d be perfect to lead that and fortunately it doesn’t have a hard deadline against it.’

This winds me up even further. A project to address a longstanding problem with no set timeline? Translation: something unimportant that nobody really cares about. I’m being handed a made-up project so they can keep me out the way.

I take a deep breath to make sure I don’t blurt out how I’m really feeling. ‘Laura, this feels a bit like you’re demoting me.’

‘Not at all, Alex. But it is important that we don’t push you beyond what you can cope with, and we must have that conversation about your wellbeing – not least because the company is strict about absence levels. I need to make sure we’ve done everything we can to ensure future absences are minimised, otherwise we’ll have another problem on our hands.’

I feel a sharp sting as these words sink in. Not only does she no longer trust me to lead a business-critical project, she’s hanging formal absence management procedures over my head. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been a consistently strong performer – that label I worked so hard to earn for myself has been replaced by a bloody great flashing badge that declares ‘problem employee’. The loyalty I’ve shown Laura, shown the organisation, counts for nothing. Suddenly my feeling of vulnerability grows hugely as the realisation hits me: I’m no longer in control of my own professional destiny.