‘I feel like I’m playing that pub game where you put a sticky note on your forehead with someone’s name and everyone can see the name but you, and you have to ask questions to find out who you are. And my sticky note says “Fucking idiot”. That’s how I feel.’

‘That’s because you’re lovely and you think everyone is the same.’

Edgar keeps putting his tail in my face. From the flat behind me I can hear Roman talking to someone. Sounds like Donato.

‘Donato rescued me,’ I say to Shandy, pathetically. ‘Who knew?’

She shrugs. ‘There’s always a use for the rough-and-ready type, I guess.’

‘Who can I trust? I’ve seen all this evidence against O, and if I accept it at face value then I’ve been taken for a fool nearly a year gone now.’

‘You have to face the truth, Horse. That’s the only way you’ll ever get on top of it.’

‘But that would mean I’m a complete fucking idiot.’

She pats my hand. ‘Ro, love, pass us the bottle, will you?’

Shandy is refilling my drink.

‘I know, love. It’s always the way. Look at it like this: O is a real clever clogs. You’ve been deceived by the best!’

She clinks glasses with me again. I drink again.

‘I could have been killed. What would she have done? Did she ever care about me at all?’

‘Horse. Horse. Listen to me. You have to forget her. Put her out of your mind. Move on. OK?’

‘She treated me like a consumable. Chewed me up and spat me out when she was done.’

Roman pushes past Shandy and steps out onto the roof. He turns to face us, hands on hips, and tries to sound stern.

‘Speaking of O. Her motorbike has been found in a pond in Epping fucking Forest.’

I give a little scream, Shandy gives a little scream. Like in primary school.

We look at each other and at the same time we say:

‘What if she’s dead, Shandy?’

And:

‘The old tart’s done a runner!’

Then we punch each other.

For real

For real

Shandy and I and Roman get super drunk. Well, I don’t know how drunk they get but I get legless. And that’s when I decide: I’m going to take Elstree out. I can’t risk being ambushed by him every time I fall asleep. I can’t risk him hurting the people I love, either. He has to go.