“All I ask is that you take the time to deal with your grief. Don’t take on additional burdens during this time. Your place will be here when you are ready. We value your counsel, but we value a whole you more.” The twins swerve in a wide berth, signaling that Selamault is about to stand. Rising, she steps toward the door but stops short. She rests an easy hand on my shoulder, and I feel her sincere love and concern for me. “I appreciate you.”

“I appreciate you.” Once the exit reseals behind her, I return my attention to the frozen image of Fela. I can feel parts of me breaking off like shards of crystals trying to reflect itself. The dissolution of grief. I struggle, my thoughts devolving into the internal chaos of white noise.

Fela’s eyes stare at me from the display. Fixed and intentional. I continue watching the transmission, studying her eyes. They speak to me; I need only to discern their message.

“No matter what you do to me, I was born free and I will always be free.”

I rewind and begin the process again. Rewind. Rewatch. Rewind. Rewatch. Rewind. Rewatch.

“My name is Fela Buhari. I am now and forever will be a member of Muungano.”

I know every twitch of her face. I have committed every tremble of her cheek, each defiant flare of her lips, and down to knowing each blink of her eyes to memory. My mind latches on to the details, my emi stirring as if it might discern a pattern in her final moments of terror. Some might call me desperate. Or on the verge of some shamanistic break. But I know it’s there. A sequence coalesces from the flutter of her eyes. Leaning closer, I rewind and rewatch. Her eyes blink out a message. One intended for me. Underneath the notice of her captors, her head still clear. Using even her last opportunity to communicate intelligence back to me. The R. Her brother.

O.E.

Her last message to me. O.E.

O.E. still vociferously denies any part in the bombing of our embassy. They claim it to be the work of terrorists. Pretending we are ignorant savages incapable of discerning the obvious events around us. If a person tells you who they are, reveals it to you repeatedly in their actions, one would be a fool to ignore them. I am no fool.

“You think you can just go anywhere, take anything. Well, we draw the line in the sand. If you break our borders and invade our lands, then this is the price you pay.”

We are under attack from within and without.

They will pay the full price of my pain.