Chapters (54)
- Cover
- About the Author
- Also by Fiona Collins
- Dedication
- CHAPTER 1
- CHAPTER 2
- CHAPTER 3
- CHAPTER 4
- CHAPTER 5
- CHAPTER 6
- CHAPTER 7
- CHAPTER 8
- CHAPTER 9
- CHAPTER 10
- CHAPTER 11
- CHAPTER 12
- CHAPTER 13
- CHAPTER 14
- CHAPTER 15
- CHAPTER 16
- CHAPTER 17
- CHAPTER 18
- CHAPTER 19
- CHAPTER 20
- CHAPTER 21
- CHAPTER 22
- CHAPTER 23
- CHAPTER 24
- CHAPTER 25
- CHAPTER 26
- CHAPTER 27
- CHAPTER 28
- CHAPTER 29
- CHAPTER 30
- CHAPTER 31
- CHAPTER 32
- CHAPTER 33
- CHAPTER 34
- CHAPTER 35
- CHAPTER 36
- CHAPTER 37
- CHAPTER 38
- CHAPTER 39
- CHAPTER 40
- CHAPTER 41
- CHAPTER 42
- CHAPTER 43
- CHAPTER 44
- CHAPTER 45
- CHAPTER 46
- CHAPTER 47
- Three Months Later
- Acknowledgements
- THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING
‘I’m OK,’ he says, and he stands there and he sighs and he smiles and I place my hand on his upper arm, slipping it under the hem of his T-shirt sleeve and I feel his firm, warm bicep. My lovely Dad.
‘Why have we wasted so much time, Prue?’ he says. ‘Sitting in that flat day after day, when all this life – all this beauty – was out here?’
‘I don’t know, Dad. But we’re out now, aren’t we? We’re here.’
‘Yes, we’re here.’
His hand is still on the pane of glass, as though he is drawing energy from it. He sighs again. ‘I’m scared, Prue.’
‘Why, Dad? Tell me why you are scared.’
‘I’m starting to forget.’
‘Forget …?’
‘What things look like, as I’ve been blind for so long. Objects, things, animals, shapes, even. Types of flowers. Colours. I can remember so many things – numbers of things, mainly, how many steps, things I’ve read, but some shapes now, some colours … I don’t remember how a ship’s mast looks. Or paintings by Monet. Or even clouds. Not really.’
‘Oh, Dad. I’m so sorry; I’m an idiot, I—’
‘It’s not your fault.’ He takes his hand from the glass. ‘Your descriptions are excellent, Prue. But when you say there’s a pigeon on the tube, I simply can’t remember what a “pigeon” looks like. It’s so strange, you know, to say the words but not see them in my head.’ He sighs. ‘For a long time I used to test myself every day. Go through a list of animals, say, in my head, one by one. Dog, cat, wolf, bear, rabbit, guinea pig, killer whale … I did it most days, for a long time. Then other days I forgot. And then I’d think, What was the point? Time is a killer, Prue – it is eroding my memory of all these things in life. Some of these animals don’t exist for me, now, or they blur into one. I don’t think I can see a difference in my head now between a dog and a wolf, for example.’
‘Does it matter, Dad, if you don’t know the difference?’ I say, but I know that it does. To him. ‘I could help you. I could describe those animals to you, explain the differences. Talk about lots of other things. Remind you.’
‘I suppose so. If we carried on going out, if we talked more …’
‘We can, Dad! We are doing that, aren’t we? We’re talking now.’
‘There’s so many things now, though. So many things I have forgotten.’
‘We could try, though. What else can we do but try?’