Shit, fuck. I looked at the baby monitor and Devan was there, his eyes on the door between the bedroom and the nursery. Watching his face in shades of gray, I slapped one hand over my mouth and went harder, crying out as my body shook with orgasms. Devan’s eyes intently watched the door, almost like he could see me coming as I thought about him.

It just made me come harder. I imagined he was watching me as I came, and I whispered his name in a gasp. His whole body was held taut, like he could hear me, but I knew he couldn’t. I hoped.

I let my loose limbs flop to the side. Then I raced to the bathroom, had a shower and pretended I didn’t just come to the thought of Devan choking me while he watched me orgasm.

The following morning, everyone left early. Rigby and River had a player meeting and physiotherapy, and Devan had an early morning meeting. I was home alone for the first time with Huey, and it was a weird feeling. It was a university town, so there were a lot of young people with backpacks running around, generally being carefree.

I reminded myself I was still young, and while I mightn’t be carefree, I wasn’t someone's grandmother. I just had a built-in bestie for a while. Like, eighteen years. Huey was a gift. I knew that.

But when I saw the college students, some my age, it was easy for the bitterness to creep into the edges of my happiness. This wasn’t how I’d seen my life going. I was meant to get my degree, go on a bunch of depressing online dating app dates until I found one that broke the mold of horrible. We’d date for a couple of years until we got engaged. Then I’d have a decent, proper career, we’d settle down, and I’d have a family when I was about thirty.

Who would date a woman who was saddled down with a baby already? A baby who came with three oversized and intimidating protectors?

I sighed, deciding I needed to get out of the house. I had yet to use my new car, though Devan had driven us to the stadium in it the other night. It was the most comfortable car my ass had ever sat in.

I packed up some stuff, including a couple of bottles for Huey and a sandwich for me, and loaded it all into the SUV. It was lucky this place had such a huge driveway so I could get a feel for this giant tank of a vehicle.