I hadn’t expected her to call me. She seemed like the kind of person who’d do it all herself, even to her own detriment. I could relate to that. So three days later, when the phone rang in the middle of the night, I was awake and on my feet before I’d even answered the phone. I nearly dropped it when I saw her name on the screen.

“Nova, are you okay? Is Huey okay?” I could hear him crying in the background, and her crying at the other end of the phone.

“I’m sorry to call so late.” She sniffed. “But I can’t get him to sleep. He just keeps crying. He only sleeps during the day, and I—” Her voice wobbled, from either tears or from her bouncing an obviously distressed Huey. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and I’m so tired and I’m worried that I’ll fall asleep and drop him or hurt him and I can’t—” She let out a sob, and my heart broke. “I didn’t want to call my neighbor because then she’ll know I’m a failure and that’s stupid and I’m so sorry…”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, Nova. Unlock your front door and go lie down with Huey on the bed. If you fall asleep, he’ll be safe there until I arrive. Can you do that, sweetheart?”

Her sobbing, “Yes,” came down the line, and I was already jogging down the stairs of Alana’s apartment building.

Packing up Alana’s life was painful for many reasons. One, it was evidence that she’d been hiding how hard she was doing it from us. There was barely anything in her apartment that wasn’t baby stuff. It was a by-product of being a foster kid, and something both River and I had worked really hard to shake—the inability to accumulate more than two trash bags worth of stuff.

I listened at the other end of the line as Huey screamed his little lungs out, Nova sniffling as she moved around to do what I asked. “You still okay over there?”

“Yeah.” She hiccuped. “It’s okay, Huey. Shhh,” she whispered, her voice rough. “Devan’s coming, then you won’t be stuck with just me.”

God, I didn’t know who I wanted to hug more in that moment. “Are you in bed now?”

“Just building a blanket wall so he doesn’t fall out,” she almost slurred. Jesus Christ, how fucking tired was she? “I’ve laid him down, but he’s so sad. I’ve fed him and rocked him, and his diaper is dry. I’d normally take him for a drive in the car, but I’m worried I’ll—”