But game theory is a theory isnt it?

If you say so.

You were living in the attic at your grandmother’s house.

Yes. After my mother died. Bobby fixed it up for me.

And this is where the apparitions first appeared?

Yes.

What were they doing while you were doing all this math?

I dont know. After a while I pretty much ignored them. Except for the Kid. He was pretty hard to ignore.

I’m puzzled that you didnt find them more disturbing.

Well. I was twelve. How would I know that it wasnt normal?

But you did know.

I knew that it wasnt normal. But I didnt know that it wasnt normal for me.

Why is he called the Kid?

It’s short for the Thalidomide Kid. He doesnt have any hands. Just these flippers.

This is the dwarf.

Small person.

Who else?

Just a lot of characters. Entertainers. Supposedly.

Did you find them entertaining?

No.

And they just appear. Out of nowhere.

As opposed to what? Out of somewhere? All right. Nowhere. We’ll stick with nowhere. Look. I know this conversation pretty much by heart.

From other counselors.

Yes.

What would you like me to do?

Surprise me.

Surprise you.

Yes. Well. I wont hold my breath. The factual and the suspect are both subject to the same dimming with time. There is a fusion in the memory of events which is at loose ends where reality is concerned. You wake from a nightmare with a certain relief. But that doesnt erase it. It’s always there. Even after it’s forgotten. The haunting sense that there is something you have not understood will remain long after. What you were trying to ask me. The answer is no. They simply arrive. Unannounced. No strange odors, no music. I listen to them. Sometimes. Sometimes I just go to sleep.

Can you sleep with them in the room?

This is like having a conversation with Zeno. Have you thought about that question? Isnt it funny how it’s always in the last place you look.

All right. But in general you dont find them frightening.

No.

And that doesnt seem strange to you.

No. I was twelve. I probably thought they accompanied puberty. Everybody else did. Anyway, it was the puberty that was frightening, not the phantoms. The more naive your life the more frightening your dreams. Your unconscious will keep trying to wake you. In every sense. Imperilment is bottomless. As long as you are breathing you can always be more scared. But no. They were what they were. Whatever they were. I never saw them as supernatural. In the end there was nothing to be afraid of. I’d already learned that there were things in my life that were best not to share. From about the age of seven I never mentioned synesthesia again. For instance. I thought it was normal and of course it wasnt. So I shut up about it. Anyway, I knew that something was coming, I just didnt know what. Ultimately you will accept your life whether you understand it or not. If I had any fear of the eidolons it was not their being or their appearance but what they had in mind. That I’d no understanding of. The only thing I actually understood about them was that they were trying to put a shape and a name to that which had none. And of course I didnt trust them. Maybe we should move on.