That week Mama L pushed me on the swing again and the Outside Girl sat far away pretending not to watch us. We chose the swing with the noisy rusted chain. That way we could talk. Mama L said, Tell me about Mrs. Barlow.

She’s basically the nicest, I said. She totally loves god. But still, I’m not her boy. Altemonte is her boy.

Mama L said, Piglet, you’re my boy. My boy and Mama K’s boy. I promise that I’m doing everything I can to bring you home.

When? I asked.

Soon, she said.

Does Mama K have the ransom yet? I asked.

She’s doing everything she can, Mama L said. She’s working very hard.

She threw me, I said. Out, I said. She threw my knapsack. She hurt my arm.

Does it still hurt? asked Mama L.

No, I said.

She loves you and she didn’t know what to do, Mama L said. She was scared. But I don’t want you to be scared.

I’m not scared, I said. That’s not it. The way I feel is another way.

What way? she said. Tell me, Piglet.

I almost told her about the death portal the hole the blank universe but I didn’t want to scare her so instead I just said, I feel like a picture out of focus, like there’s one me and two mes and three mes and I can’t move the way I want to. Like I don’t know how I feel until after I felt it. I don’t want to eat my food even though I’m allowed to eat all the pancakes I want.

I saw that I’d scared her anyway.

You should stop taking those pills, Mama L said.

I kind of knew what she meant, I wasn’t a fucking moron. I kind of knew or else why would I have tried flushing the pills down the toilet, I kind of knew but there were one me two mes three mes, and at least one me got mad at Mama L for telling me what to do. Mama L telling me to stop taking the pills was actually a supremely easy thing for her to tell me.

I said, The pills make me super-smart.

She said, You were already super-smart.

I said, The pills make me so I can do my Specials.

She said, I don’t care if you can do your Specials.

I said, That’s why they took me away. You have to care about stuff like that.

She said, That’s not why they took you away.

What about Altemonte? I asked.

What about Altemonte? she asked.