Zoe: *clones him so you can have a BOY-FRND02*

I hesitate before writing back. In theory, I could tell her that maybe it’s not a boyfriend I want. It’s as simple as a few words, and Zoe doesn’t seem like the judgmental type.

I still can’t bring myself to do it.

And that’s when I have to face why Zoe is a worse problem than any of the incomprehensible math in my homework tonight.

A normal girl would envy Zoe — and not just for her weatherproof hair, flawless skin, and perfect curves. She holds that extra spark that makes her stand out in any crowd. Even when her eyes fill with tears, like they did in the library, her red nose and blotchy cheeks only serve to make her eyes look greener and more radiant.

But it’s not Zoe I envy. It’s Hunter.

I could do his job better. Zoe wouldn’t have to dodge my roving arms. She and I would bow our heads over the same page until all the problems came clear, until the books closed and I leaned over to bury my face in her neck, where I could smell the sweetness of her skin and the invisible flowers in her hair. And then maybe she’d touch me, too, like she did in the library, her hand setting off sparks that race through me to make me feel like I exist. Like I matter.

My heart races like a wild animal and it’s not the caffeine.

It’s also not the first time I’ve felt this way.

There was Ms. Greeling, my ninth-grade chemistry teacher, who might be half the reason I’ve done so well in every science class since. She had brown eyes warm enough to turn me to liquid, and I loved how by the last period of the school day she always had wisps of hair escaping from the bun she wore it in. She looked barely older than the seniors when she got a little unkempt like that, and as the term wore on, my curious eyes kept finding their way to the gap where her button-down shirt sometimes showed a flash of her bra. Most days I wanted to stay in her classroom for hours and learn all the mechanics of the universe. Some days I wanted other things, and I liked to think about her slender fingers laced with mine.