Do you still want to go to the dance? I don’t want to pressure you to do something if you’re not feeling it. Anyway, if you don’t . . . Abernathy has mono, so Nicki’s going without a date. If you don’t want to go, I could offer to go as her “date.” Just as friends, obviously.

Let me know. And let me know if there’s anything I can do.

I don’t know whether to be angry, hurt, or relieved. Somehow I’m feeling all those things at once. But the overriding feeling is one of not wanting to be an asshole. I owe him an apology. I think about what my mom said about apologies, and I know I should probably call him, but the idea of a real-time conversation about this stuff feels beyond me right now — especially because I feel like our relationship is probably coming to an end, and I definitely don’t want to face that tonight.

So I take the easy way out and text: I’m sorry, Hunter. None of this was your fault. You’re right — I haven’t talked to you about things I probably should have.

And about the dance . . . Why don’t you go ahead and take Nicki. That sounds like a better option for both of you. I wouldn’t be much fun anyway.:-/

And now I need to tell Cammie and Syd and Erin. I can just imagine their reactions to my bagging on the dance, and I can’t bear to face it. I wish they were more like Sam in some ways. . . . Sam wouldn’t freak out or ask me ten thousand questions, and she certainly wouldn’t gossip about it. She’d just listen.

I turn back to our texts, or mine, I should say. Since yesterday morning, it’s all me. One apology after another.

I think about trying one more time, maybe letting her know that I need her. If she cares about me, she’ll surely respond.

I turn off my phone and go to bed without texting. I’m too fragile to risk finding out I’m wrong.

Sam

It takes me about three nanoseconds into the Homecoming dance to realize I’ve made a huge mistake. Fear consumes me the moment we cross onto school property. What if I see Zoe? I’m hopelessly torn between wanting to and being disgusted with myself for that same desire. She betrayed me. I need to let go of any stupid notion that we understood each other, that we could be friends. Still, I disappeared on her during one of the hardest weeks of her life. I suck, too. I have no idea what to do.