“No, of course not.” My voice was hard and flat. I crossed the bridge and started down the stairs. Finn had to break into a jog to catch up with me. “That’s just how your friends talk. Of course it rubs off.”

“What … what do you mean?”

I snorted, lengthening my stride.

“El, come on. You know I wasn’t talking about you. Why are you so angry?”

“I’m always angry. And by the way, the first food regulations are coming into effect this week. Feel free to pass that along.”

“What are you—”

“Eater, enough.” I rounded on him. “How stupid do you think I am, Finn? You think I don’t notice whenever you start plying me for information?”

“Wait, what? I wasn’t!”

“Yeah, of course. You’re just really interested in beetles.” To my dismay, my voice cracked. Finn reached for my arm, and I stepped back.

“I get it.” I waved him away, skin crawling. “I get it, I really do. You want revenge for your parents. You want justice and equality and all the rest, everything you feel that the Sisterhood denies you. I know that. But I’m telling you now: if the Order falls, the city will starve.”

He shook his head urgently. “No, you’ve got it wrong. That’s not what it’s about; I’m only involved because I want to help you.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed at him. “What, by getting your friends to murder me?”

He stepped closer and spoke quickly. “Listen. One of the Resistance’s key goals is bringing an end to Renewals. El, I know how much they hurt you. If we can—”

“If you can what?” My voice was too loud; nearby civilians looked toward us in surprise. I dropped it down to a furious whisper. “Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter who’s in charge. Aytrium will still need Sisters, which means we will still need daughters, and no man is going to be stupid enough to fuck us voluntarily. So what do you propose? There is no way out for me.”

Finn stared at me, mouth slightly open, as if he was seeing me for the first time. His expression only made me angrier—I didn’t want to feel guilty, or awkward, or have to reassure him. We were supposed to be having fun.

“I need space.” Bitterness curdled on my tongue. “Meet me at the Candle in an hour.”

“El…”

“No, I just … I can’t deal with this right now, okay?” I backed away from him. “Please?”

His shoulders slumped. “Of course.”

The crowds swallowed me up. I stopped to buy a cup of spiced wine at a stall. The merchant thrust it out to me, sending hot alcohol sloshing over the rim. I drained half of it in one go. My throat burned.