Finn sat on the same wall he had occupied earlier in the evening.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

My breath created a cloud of fog in front of me.

“I love you,” I said.

His eyes widened.

“I love you.” My heart raced, but I did not look away. “I love you, and I never want to lose you.”

He rose and I kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck and stretching to reach his mouth. He tried to speak, but I held him tighter. The chill of his skin seeped into me; the stubble on his scalp was rough beneath my fingers. I could feel the ridges of his spine and, inside his mouth, too many teeth.

He broke away. “El, no.”

“I’ve always wanted you,” I said, short of breath. “But if you don’t want—”

“Of course I do,” he said. “More than anything, but that doesn’t mean I’ll risk hurting you.”

I smiled. “To be honest, pain wasn’t really what I was after.”

He flushed. “El!”

“Too forward?”

He spread his hands helplessly. “I’m hardly even human anymore.”

“Liar.” I touched my mouth. Cold. “You’re still you, and I am still yours, and you are still mine. Please, Finn. Let me have this.”

“But what if I can’t control…”

“‘I know what I’m asking for.’” I grinned. With a single thread of lace, I reached for his mind. A question, an invitation. His eyes went wide.

“Oh, screw it,” he breathed.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, swallowing my delighted laughter. I discovered that, for all that the transformation had cooled his skin, he still had a little warmth left for me.

CHAPTER

FORTY-ONE

He was gone when I woke up.

I had expected it, and I don’t think that Millie or Osan were surprised either. None of us spoke about it. We didn’t say much at all.

“Go ahead; I’ll join you in a moment,” I told Millie. “I need to restore my lace.”

She and Osan continued down the path, and I opened my last jar. Breathing through my mouth, I cut the flesh into smaller pieces and tried to swallow them one at a time. As soon as the first sliver touched my tongue, I gagged. Worse. This was much worse than last time. My body recoiled from the meat’s rank sourness, and sweat broke out over my skin.

I managed to force down the sacrament without throwing up. Lace swelled in my gut and entwined with my nausea. Even though we were running low on water, I drained a canteen to wash my face and hands, and to rinse the inside of my mouth. The smell persisted; with every breath, I could taste Verje’s flesh again.

I hurried to catch up with the others. Without Finn, we were forced to leave behind almost a third of our provisions. It would be a long, thirsty walk to the mountains.

Millie and Osan halted their conversation as I joined them. They looked tense, and Millie’s eyes were red.