And I hadn’t even meant what I said, not really. I was just angry and tired and scared. I’d known about the Resistance for so long, and it hadn’t bothered me. It shouldn’t have bothered me. Civilians had good reasons to hate the Order, and Millie and Finn could associate with whoever they pleased. I could handle my feelings, and anyway, it was none of my business and it wasn’t personal.

I knew they didn’t hate me. I knew that.

The cold wind swept over my skin. I grimaced. Better to say sorry now; Millie would be hurt. She deserved better than me taking my frustrations out on her.

I straightened and turned back to the passage entrance, only to find Verje blocking my way.

The Councilwoman had been standing inches from me. Her limbs hung slack and her chest yawned open, revealing a cavity where her heart should be. When she spoke, white light poured from her mouth.

“It hurts,” she croaked. “Give it back.”

I staggered, almost tripping over my own feet. Around Verje, the darkness changed shape, forming creeping fingers of shadow, lips that gaped wide to reveal rows of red teeth. My head pulsed with pain.

“Look what you’ve done,” she moaned.

I could not tear my eyes away from her. Verje’s skin was the colour of ash. Small blue flowers grew between her ribs, bursting into bloom as I watched. Green shoots pushed through the dark swell of her lungs.

“I will take what’s mine.” Her voice was awful, rasping and broken. She lurched toward me. “I will be whole.”

I shook my head, unable to speak. Invisible hands crushed my throat. Verje’s arm shot forward and she grabbed me by the hair. Her skin was wet and hot. She pulled me closer. The light from her mouth burned like a naked flame where it touched my cheek.

“Follow the path of grace,” she hissed.

“El!”

I could smell her, jasmine and blood and molten metal. I jerked my head away from her, but she held fast. Her eyes bored into mine, glowing with malice.

Finn broke through the vision. Verje vanished with a shiver of light, and then his arms were around me. I sagged against him, all the strength in my legs deserting me.

“Are you okay?” he asked urgently. “El? El, say something.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Just breathe. You’re safe, I’ve got you.”

“I shouldn’t have let myself get so upset.”

“No, it’s fine, come on now. Are you hurt?”

I shook my head. He hugged me tighter, and then let go.

“It’s all right,” he said. “Let’s go back inside.”

My skin ached where the vision had touched me, and my head continued to throb. Was this how the other Renewers had felt? I was never going to make it; the nightmares threatened to drown me even here. How could I reach Ventris like this? I swayed, and Finn took hold of my elbow.

“You’re going to be okay,” he said.