“I came to see the size of the rock,” he says and walks to the rock. “I’ll have it gone by tomorrow.”

“Good,” I say. He stands there, and I turn to look back at the water, ignoring the pull to him.

“You shouldn’t be out here alone,” he says, and I want to yell at him and ask why he even cares. I want to yell that what I do has nothing to do with him. I want to yell that he needs to go and take care of his wife and their child.

“You should be at home with your wife and child and not worry about where I am.” My mouth opens before I can take the words back. The last thing I want him to know is that I care or that I even think of him.

He ignores my outburst. “I’m going to have a meeting with the guys tomorrow, and I would like for you and Olivia to be there.” He takes off his hat and scratches his head. “It’s good to have everyone working with each other.”

I nod at him, swallowing over the lump in my throat as I look at him. The man I wanted to share everything with; the man I wanted to have children with; the man who said he would hold my hand forever. The same man who holds his wife at night and then tucks their child into bed. Maybe coming home wasn’t a good idea. I thought I could handle it. Thought it would be fine. I. Was. Wrong. Nothing about being here is fine.

“I’ll text Casey about it,” he says, looking down. I know he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. “See you tomorrow.” He turns and walks away from me. This time, I watch his back until I can’t see him anymore. Only when I feel wetness on my hand do I realize I’m crying. Only then do I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands. I cry for the boy I lost, I cry for the love I lost, and I cry for the piece of me I lost.

I’m raw, and my whole body aches from head to toe. I get back on the horse and take my time getting home. The sun is setting, and when I get to the barn, Ricardo is sitting at the desk. “Welcome back,” he says, and I smile at him. I wonder how awful I look. I’m sure he can tell I’ve been crying. “I’ll take her.”

“Thank you,” I say. After handing him the reins, I walk back to the house. Olivia is lying on the swing outside. She’s slipped out of her jeans and is now in yoga pants and a T-shirt. “Hey,” I say, climbing up the steps to the porch and sitting on the end of the swing.