lightheaded and stumbling

just because you sometimes miss

the people that hurt you

doesn’t mean you want them to

come back and

it doesn’t mean they should have

never left obviously

because they nearly killed you

obviously they are bad for you

obviously you have done the right thing

in pushing them out of your life but

it does mean that sometimes

you’re going to want to text them

and ask them how they’ve been

and you won’t but you’ll want to

sometimes you’ll wish you could

run into them at the coffee shop

or grocery store so when they ask

what’s going on in your life

you could tell them and sometimes

you will even want them back

you will think that this time things

could be different and you would both

do better now even though you still haven’t

heard a sincere apology from them

and so sometimes you will fall asleep

thinking about them because in your dreams

they are kind and soft and wise and do everything

right and don’t cheat on you or lie to you or

make you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved

and in your dreams you can miss them and feel

like it’s an okay thing to do and

in your dreams you can even still love them

and it won’t seem like something foolish so

sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you

and when you come to me like i thought

you always would i feel a little less broken

and when you ask me how my day has been

i don’t feel like i’m lying when i say

better now.

one time

i compared us to the sun and moon.

our brief encounters were eclipses:

beautiful and over too soon.

perhaps we were

the sun and the moon,

but instead of focusing on

how beautiful our eclipses were,

i should have focused on the way

they were so

dark.

i don’t miss you

the same way

anymore

your absence

no longer plagues me

it just sits with me

becoming less of a monster

and more of an old friend

slipping glamour

after i walked away,

i reached out with an offer of friendship

because i loved you and you were,

despite everything,

my best friend.

but you recoiled, pushing me further

and further away.

that was the first time i realized that

this thing between us wasn’t so beautiful

anymore.

i put my foot down but i loved you still,

just differently, and it infuriated you.

it was then that it became clear

we weren’t so similar, after all.

you did not want a portion

of my time, you wanted all of it.

you did not want my love

if it did not include my body.

you did not want me

if you could not have all of me.

when i was with you,

i was blind to those hard truths.

the second i stepped back from you,