Chapters (40)
- Cover
- About the Author
- PENGUIN BOOKS
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-one
- Twenty-two
- Twenty-three
- Twenty-four
- Twenty-five
- Twenty-six
- Twenty-seven
- Twenty-eight
- Twenty-nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-one
- Thirty-two
- Thirty-three
- Thirty-four
- Thirty-five
- THE BEGINNING
‘Of course I’ve bloody changed. What do you expect? That I should be happy and carefree like I was when you met me? We were always going to be equals. That’s what we said to each other. We were going to do it differently from our parents. Now look at us. I get up early in the mornings because you’re always out late. I get the girls up. I get them ready for school. I tidy the house. I deliver them and I go to work myself, and by the time I arrive there I’m exhausted. And when I come back I pick them up from the childminder and I do it all again. The meals. The childcare. The bloody housework. I hate housework. For years, it’s been me who’s earned the money and paid the bills,’ she went on, wincing at what she was saying. ‘I’ve supported you through all these years, haven’t I? Encouraged you? Never told you to give up on the whole acting thing and get a job.’
‘That’s it, isn’t it?’ Adrian was flooded by a righteous indignation. Here, then, he told himself, was the real reason for his affair. His whole identity was at stake, all his dreams. Of course he had to escape. ‘That’s what you’ve always felt. That’s what you’ve wanted all along.’
‘No! Don’t twist my words to suit your purpose. You know it isn’t. I haven’t minded – well, only sometimes when everything gets on top of me. But here’s what bothers me – things are suddenly looking a bit better for you, you’re going to be in this film after all; your agent’s got plans. There’s hope again, and I thought that would make things better between us. Easier. It’s what we’ve been waiting for, your luck to change. What we’ve dreamt about. I thought you could look after me for a change. It was my turn. Instead …’She made a gesture, palms up.
The fight went out of Adrian. He felt tired and ashamed, and just wanted to be out of here – out of the room, out of the argument, out of himself.
‘It’s been hard,’ he said.
‘Hard.’ She considered the word. Then she took the plunge. ‘Are you having an affair?’
‘No!’ Panic almost choked him. He wanted so badly to tell her; the words were in his mouth like gritty stones. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. Things have just been difficult.’
‘OK,’ she said. ‘OK then. Never mind.’
