‘I think it’s incredible, what you did just now,’ Jem commented as he started to clean up the dishes from breakfast. It was a casual comment, but it felt like an acceptance. A proper invitation into the little household that he had built. She was no longer just a guest, helping to find Grace. A lost soul in search of her best friend. She was a part of them, as much as anyone else.

‘Thank you. And thank you for supporting me. I don’t want to impose or push in anywhere I’m not wanted but I just really felt like they needed that this morning. After last night…’ She paused. Lily had been desperately attempting to edge around last night. Jem had been so vulnerable and she felt sure he would be embarrassed at the memory. She had no wish to make him uncomfortable, or ruin what they had built together.

‘I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention last night to anyone.’

‘I won’t; I promise I won’t. But, Jem … if you need someone to talk to—’

‘I don’t,’ he replied, with a tone that cut through Lily like a sword through flesh. The kindness that had been in his eyes only seconds earlier as he admired her for organising the children had left him. His walls had started to come down, though she thought by now he knew he didn’t have to pretend to be all right and strong with her, like he did around the children. Lily had been sure that she had begun to get through to him but those hopes had been dashed on the rocks.

Then his features were masked once more with his easy, casual smile and he was Jem again, the Jem she had first met. The trouble was that now she knew that the real Jem, the one who was hiding under the façade, was hurting.

‘Come on then, Lil. We need to draw up our final action plans today so we’re ready to set off the day after tomorrow. Can you head down to my study and I’ll go and get that paint for Maeve and Brenna?’

‘Of course.’

Lily hated the fact that she was upset by Jem’s attitude, especially when she had more important things to worry about. Alice was still out there somewhere, suffering, and she was sitting around wasting her energy and her thoughts on worrying about Jem’s wellbeing.

Chapter Thirty-One

Lily wandered slowly down the corridors and out into the courtyard. She caught a glimpse of Jem disappearing through a small door on the far side of the courtyard, scratching his head, in search of the elusive paint. She followed the well-trodden route to Jem’s study, a walk she had done several times a day, every day since she arrived.

This practice usually lit a flame of excitement within her, but fear had settled in her heart. They had decided where they thought the Shadow Sect were likely to be hiding, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be excited, or to feel accomplished. Instead, as she walked, she felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.