Most Americans wait until after Thanksgiving to put up their Christmas decorations, but not me. Mine go up the day after Halloween.

At the next light, I pull my phone from my purse to see how close I am to the restaurant my date chose for tonight. I’m only a few blocks away.

IOBJECT and I met on the Blind Dating app. The idea behind the app is that you converse with people and get to know them without seeing a picture of them. Everyone is vetted thoroughly before they can join the app, and because it isn’t free, it keeps out a lot of the creeps. In fact, I pay a premium to have no idea who I’m going out with, which sounds kind of crazy because I’m not exactly swimming in money, but if you had my same history when it comes to dating you would too.

Safety is paramount though. When you confirm to meet in person, you have to load all the details into the app—when, where, with what user, etc. I guess that way if my body shows up in the Hudson, the police will know who to question first.

No, I haven’t found a love match yet, but I’ve been on some decent dates with some okay guys. All the other apps seem to be full of guys looking only for hookups, misogynists, or men with foot fetishes. If I never have to see an unsolicited dick pic again in my life, that premium is worth it.

Dating in New York City is its own version of Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell, so I decided the new app was worth giving a try. What’s the worst that can happen? I’ll go on more bad dates? Been there, done that, have the therapist bill to prove it.

All I know about IOBJECT is that he’s thirty-four, enjoys watching football, and he’s a lawyer. I’m trying not to hold the lawyer thing against him since my older brother is also a lawyer. We’ve chatted a few times on the app, and even though I don’t think we’ve really connected in a big way, he asked me out and I figured why not give it a try. At the very least, I might score a free meal with some interesting conversation.

I didn’t plan on showing up dressed as an elf though, but hey, it’s a great icebreaker. If he’s the guy for me, he’ll see the humor in the fact that I forgot my change of clothes at home this morning, and because work ran late, I didn’t have time to take the subway all the way downtown to grab presentable attire before our date.