I cringe at the memory of what I said. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t know what happened. The whole thing just brought up a lot of stuff for me from the past and that, coupled with the realization that I was falling in—”

She holds up her hand as though she might just cover my mouth with her hand if I finish that sentence. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say it now.”

“I panicked. I’m sorry, Kenzie.” I reach out to take her shoulders, but she steps back. The door starts to close between us, and I stick my foot out to stop it.

“I have never felt more rejected or embarrassed or unloved than I did last night and that’s saying something for me.” She points at herself.

That fissure becomes a gorge through my heart.

“Can I just come in so we can talk about this?” I plead.

She shakes her head before I’m even finished speaking. “No, I think you said everything you needed to say last night.”

“I didn’t mean what I said last night.” My eyes burn as I try to hold back tears.

“I think maybe you did.”

I stare at her, begging with my eyes for her to let me explain.

“I know what happened when Audrey did a number on you, Andrew, but I can’t be with someone who continues to let the past rule him. I want to live in the present with someone who can give me all of himself. Not just the pieces he’s not holding back to protect himself. I deserve that.”

“I know you deserve that.” I let my chin drop and stare at the floor.

“And because I love you, I’m going to tell you this… you need to figure this shit out before you’ll be able to be happy with anyone. Sometimes you have to let yourself go, be willing to fall, and have faith that you’ll stick the landing. Even if you didn’t the first time.”

She starts to close the door, but it bumps against my foot.

“Please, Kenzie.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” She pushes on the door, and I step back, letting her close the door in my face and on our future.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Andrew

I end up at the only person’s house who can help me make it right with Kenzie, since he’s known her the longest.

“Hey, man. Surprised to see you,” Finn says when he opens the door of his condo.

I didn’t tell him I was coming. I’ve been wandering the city, aimlessly walking for hours and thinking about what Kenzie said about figuring my shit out.

“Yeah, sorry to barge in unannounced, but it’s important.”

“No problem. Though you look like you’re freezing your ass off. How long were you out there? Want a coffee or something?” he asks.