I hate this feeling of unworthiness. It’s both familiar and unwelcome.

“Since I hear honking taxicabs, I’m assuming it’s a SOS call?”

I stop when the light changes. “It’s an ‘I made a scene and stormed out of the restaurant and now I feel bad about it’ call.”

“What? You stormed out of the restaurant? I didn’t even know you were capable of such emotion.”

“Har.” The light changes and I walk again, dodging the gawkers.

It’s a running joke about how much I let roll off my back. I always look at the positive side of a situation and don’t focus on the negative, and my attitude has always served me well. Tessa has the temper of a city stray old dog, so she’s never been able to understand how even-keeled I can be, even when someone has upset me.

“Wait, is this a joke or something?”

“No! I’m serious.” While I walk, I fill her in on everything that went down—the costume, his apparent embarrassment, his irritation, and finally what he said about the whole disaster of a date.

“You did the right thing. He sounds like a jerk. If it were me, I probably would’ve dumped my wine over his head.”

I glance up at the street sign and realize I’ve walked ten blocks by now. I head toward the subway. “I haven’t told you the best part yet. Guess who my date was?”

“You know the guy? I thought the app—”

“He’s my brother’s best friend—Andrew Wainwright.”

“No way!” I pull the phone away from my ear from her screech.

“Yep. Can you believe that?” I hike my bag farther up on my shoulder and smile as I pass an older lady checking out my elf costume.

“Are you going to tell Finn?”

I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “No. What’s the point? This is the first time I’ve even met him after all these years. There’s not a big chance I’ll ever run into him again.”

Tessa clucks her tongue. “You’re a better woman than me, Kenz. I’d want to make him pay.”

I don’t tell her, but the first thing that runs through my head is that I’d like to do the opposite. As angry as I am with him, I feel bad for him. I wish I could change his mind and show him the magic of the holiday season. You’d think someone had sprinkled me with elf dust. Maybe it was the flashes of pain I saw on his face that he tried to mask. Maybe it’s because I too am familiar with pain, but Christmas and my memories of it have been a soothing balm. A part of me wishes he knew what that was like too.