I imagined Sam would be sweet, and kind, and sexy, all the things they were now, for a while. I would, inevitably, fall for them even harder than I already had after only a few hours together. And then, eventually...they’d get bored. How wouldn’t they? They wanted to travel the world; I barely made the rent in my shared apartment. They were full of dreams and I couldn’t contribute in any way to fulfilling any of them.

It would break my heart, disappointing Sam Bell.

“Nothing happened,” I said. “Look, can we talk about something else? Please? I don’t mean to be a jerk; I’m just tired. Can we talk about Jonny and Pablo instead? Jonny SWVed for him, and then they left early! They obviously banged, too.”

Jonny smiled slyly, twirling a bit in his swivel chair.

“Indeed.”

Preeti rolled her eyes.

“Please, I already got all the deets from Jonny yesterday.”

“He thought my performance was sexy,” Jonny grinned.

“Of course he did,” I smiled, genuinely, for the first time since walking into the room. “It was. It always is.”

Preeti shoved her empty Tupperware back into her bag.

“And Jonny has another date with Pablo for next weekend. Because he doesn’t hate happiness.”

“All right, Preeti,” Jonny gave her a look. “Let’s leave Lily alone.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Preeti came over and squeezed me into an aggressive hug, almost knocking my noodles into my lap. “I just love you, Lily Bo Bily, you know?”

“I know.” I patted her forearm.

“Either way,” she stood with a sigh. “We did have an impressively high banging ratio this weekend.”

Jonny nodded, taking his silverware to the sink. “We did.”

“Go us!” Preeti pumped a fist into the air. “Maybe next time y’all can pass on some of your banging mojo to me.”

“You can have all of mine,” I said. “Although considering this weekend was the first time it worked, I can’t make any promises.”

“Banana nana fo Fily,” Preeti shook her head at me on her way out the door. “You are chock full of banging mojo. Everyone knows it but you.”

Jonny kissed my forehead. “But I think you do know it,” he whispered, before following Preeti back into the treatment room.

I shoved two more bites of noodles into my mouth.

And then I threw the rest in the trash. My appetite had been off since Saturday night. Maybe I’d never drink gin again. Maybe this was an opportunity to better myself.

I spent the rest of my lunch break walking around the block, kicking away leaves with my sneakers, listening to nothing but the wind whistling through the trees, surrounded by the sure safety of silence.

But in between the quiet, all I could hear was a scratchy, off-key voice singing turn around, bright eyes.

It was ridiculous. And I could say what I wanted to Preeti and Jonny. To myself.