At the time, something about it made sense in my head. The dawn might have been breaking, but we were still touching, technically. And they had asked me something about myself, back at the bar at Moonie’s, when we’d talked about clothes. Something that made me happy. I’d never had a chance to ask them something back, about what brought them joy. I needed to finish the circle, before I untangled my ankle from theirs. Before the night was officially over.

“Hey,” I whispered, shaking them again. Their eyes blinked open, and they lifted their head, looking confused. They stared at me for a second, the blurriness in their eyes clearing just a bit, before they smiled and dropped their head back to the pillow.

“Hey,” they said. And ugh, that satisfied, half asleep smile. Kill me. “You okay?”

“Tell me why you love history,” I said. “And subway systems maybe.”

“What?” They laughed, but it wasn’t their weird snorting laugh. It was more like an amused breath.

I nodded to the maps surrounding us.

“History. Why do you teach it?”

They blinked a few more times. And then they rubbed a hand over their face.

“Um,” they said. “This isn’t quite the postcoital conversation I’m used to? Not that I’m really used to postcoital anything, these days.”

“I want to know,” I insisted. “Just tell me one thing.”

I think...I was searching for a souvenir. One thing I could take with me. Something that would always make me remember Sam Bell.

They looked at me for a long moment, brow slightly furrowed. And I knew whatever they ended up saying, the souvenir was always going to be this. The way they looked at me. From the corner of a dark room. While they were inside me. Half awake in a dimly lit room, their eyes sleepy and thoughtful.

Taking me seriously, every single time.

“Well, as for subway systems, they are incredible,” they said matter-of-factly. “We built trains? Underground? What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck?”

I laughed. Which was the worst. If they kept making me laugh, I’d probably end up crying.

“And subway maps are the best, obviously,” they said.

“Obviously.”

“Look at them!” They waved a hand. “All the patterns and different colors. So satisfying. I feel like that’s something you understand, yeah?”

They looked at me, eyes bright, and I nodded. I understood it so well.

It felt like they were inside me again, but in a different way, a way that made me ache even more.

They turned their face toward the ceiling.