I could count the people I’d been physically intimate with on one hand, but even of those, there had been at least two who seemed happy to kiss my mouth but were strangely hesitant to touch my body. As if touching my fat rolls would unpleasantly highlight their existence. But none of my rolls or my curves or my dimples seemed to present a roadblock to Sam’s hands, and by the time our car pulled up, I was panting and aching for them.

“Fuck,” I said when Sam stepped back. “This is going to be the best hookup ever.”

Sam froze. They were still only a foot away from me, so I saw the confused look on their face, the way their eyes clouded over, a crease forming in their brow. It was only a second, and then they seemed to shake it off. “Yeah,” they said, distractedly, and turned around to walk to the car. My heart sank.

I didn’t know why I’d said it. I was turned on beyond reason and wasn’t thinking clearly. It sounded silly and flippant, and I hoped Sam knew I didn’t feel flippant about any of this.

But maybe it was good that I said it.

Because we had only truly known each other for a few hours. And most of those hours had been spent dancing and singing. We barely knew each other, and now we were going to go fuck each other’s brains out. It seemed pretty clear. Sam had to know this had all the markings of a one-night stand, right?

Of course, I’d never actually had a one-night stand before. But it seemed like a practice Bold Lily would be able to handle.

And a one-night stand could still be meaningful. Right?

God, I didn’t want to hurt Sam.

I tried to take deep gulps of air before I opened the car door and stepped in. But even then, I had to work on not making my labored breathing overly obvious to the Lyft driver as the wheels of her car crunched over the gravel parking lot, before it pulled onto the bypass and left Moonie’s behind. Sam and I sat silently on either side of the backseat, and even though they were right there, their absence made my heart flutter, a little pulse of panic. I hated the awkwardness I had just injected into the air between us, and the real world crept in with each rotation of the car’s tires.

Touching, we had to be touching. That was what I had promised myself.

Stay in the moment. Hold on to the night. Sam was an adult; they knew what they were getting into. This could still be magic.